Aloha

I've mustered up the courage . . . and begun a new blog. You will find today's post under http://www.divinelyordinary.blogspot.com/. If you have stuck with me this long, I want to say thank you. Your readership means the world to me.

This has been one of my first publications experiences. You have been a part of such a magical season for me. May God continue to bless your journey. I hope that these humble and casual posts have cultivated an awareness of the presence of God.

At His Feet . . . just like Mary, may you always choose the better thing.

Alter

Okay, I have to admit it.  Not posting for a few days makes me feel really panicky.  I guess I am disclosing probably a little bit too much about how wacky this girl can be.  So many times my fingers have wanted to rest on the keyboard.  The feeling was very much like restless leg syndrome.  There was a tingling, agitated feeling.  My fingers just couldn't sit still, my mind went from one subject to another.  But amidst feeling like I was forgetting something . . . something important like a pair of glasses or a child . . . I forced myself to take a break.

Ah, how great it feels to slip back into motion.  The sound of my keyboard tapping, the rest of my right thumb on the space bar . . . how wonderfully my thoughts seem to flow onto the screen like rushing water.  How I love to write.  It doesn't matter what I am writing about, or who I am writing for.  Composing a paragraph, editing a document, correcting a sentence - it matters none to me!  Communicating with words is absolute bliss.  I know that I know that this is what I was made to do.

Aside from wanting to take a little break, I have been toying with the idea of altering things a bit.  Now that I have successfully created the habit of writing a bit each day, I think it is time for me to take things to the next level.  There are writing projects I have really wanted to work on - and I feel the Holy Spirit's nudge, saying that the moment is now.  Why would I want to wait another minute?  

So for the next couple of days, I will be in prayer about which direction to take.  I will be changing my blog somewhat - or possibly creating a brand new one.  Hopefully, this new project will have a different look and feel.  My plan is to begin writing on purpose, with an end in mind.  I am not really much of a talker, but when it comes to the keyboard and a couple of minutes of quiet - there is obviously a whole lot I have to say.  I look forward to seeing how God will use this new found passion of mine.

For those of you who have hung around, and have put up with my mood swings - I thank you.  It must be the author in me that gets excited with the thought of people actually reading my stuff.  I am not looking to get published necessarily, but if that ends up being a part of God's plan - I have to be honest and say that I will have no complaints.

I look forward to beginning this new year with a revolution of my own.  A new writing project or two, all to the glory of the One who is worthy of every last word.

To my readers, you are loved very much.  I send a heartfelt aloha . . . hello and good-bye.  Yes, just like my toe dipping into that blog all of those months ago - this sentiment feels just right.

Format

No format today. With Christmas literally right around the corner, I am in the throws of baking cookies and tending to some last minute wrapping.

I've got some family staying with me tonight, helping me welcome Santa and all of those reindeer. I could very easily let the complication and pain of family drama bring me down - but not this night. There is far too much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for my health and that of my family's. I am thankful that Mark and I both have great jobs, that my kids have some special surprises tucked under the tree . . . and most of all, I am thankful for Jesus - like Pastor Dave said today . . .

"He's here!"

There is a line in my favorite movie of all time called Overboard. I won't go into the details, but Goldie Hawn discovers that Kurt Russel (her real life love) has returned to rescue her. It is in this moment that she whispers, "He's here!!" Gets me every time.

I feel very much the same about the idea that Jesus is right here. My pulse quickens and my eyes twinkle. I am bouncing up and down, just waiting for His rescue.

Jesus is not only the reason for the season, He is THE REASON.

Glory

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. ~ 2 Peter 3:18

Growing - it's a process, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. The verse above was Peter's last written words to the early church all of those centuries ago. While many of his writings touched on the importance of holiness, submission to one another, what it means to really live for God and warnings about false teachers - he chose to end on the idea of relationship.

Grow in the grace and the knowledge . . . growth is something that usually happens pretty slow. In this microwave kind of a world we live in, it is easy to expect our spiritual maturity to just happen over night. We spend a lot of time studying God's Word, or fasting and praying endlessly. Sometimes we will even break our backs trying to serve in the name of loving Him.

While all of these things are good and necessary in the discipleship of our Lord, there are no fast tracks into the Kingdom. God desires our hearts above all, which means that He looks past our activity, right to the heart of our motives . . . why we do something is far more important to God than the action we take.

There is a fine line between discipline and legalism. While it is important to set aside time to be alone with God, we need to be careful that it doesn't become something we simply check off the list. When things become too structured, we can miss the most important thing - and that "thing" is Him.

To grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, it is important to spend time with Him, by being aware of His continual presence. I have had great moments with God in the middle of a grocery store or while rounding up a rowdy mess of kids. I don't have to be in my easy chair in the living room (or in my quiet time spot) in order to grow in my knowledge of God. If He kept Himself confined to those two spots, I would be in a world of trouble!

If you are feeling discouraged today about how far you've come, or not come - know that looking to Him is really our only requirement. Growth takes time . . .

Game Table

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer; ~ 1 Peter 3:12a

Today I am thankful redemption. I speak not of the renewing power of God's shed blood, although that really is what allows me to take my next breath. I am not referring to any kind of a score evening out, or a contest that was eventually won. My story of redemption today includes a very heavy and awkward table that now graces our living room.

It was almost one year ago. Large, awkward, rectangular shape . . . and did I mention large? It sat in the middle of our family room, just waiting to be born. Hundreds of tiny little pieces all put together meant one thing. An enormous game table that the kids had gotten for Christmas. Foosball, pool, ping-pong, checkers, chess . . . some kind of a football thing, and that was just the beginning. The thing stood approximately three and a half feet high, about one hundred inches wide and three hundred long. (My exaggeration of course.)

The table had been up for a week or so, being enjoyed by all - all that is, except for me. It looked like an eyesore, even tucked back behind one of the couches, I felt annoyed by this clumsy thing. There was nothing about the way it screamed "fun" that went with anything in our house. A separate game room - now this would be a fitting home. But we opted not to add the sixth bedroom (we didn't even have that option anyway), which meant that this new orphan of a game would be settling down where our family did most of it's living - in the family room.

One afternoon, while feeling quite frustrated, I tried to move the beast over a little bit. The thing must have weighed 100 pounds. Made mostly out of particle board and plastic, I managed to practically break the thing in two - leaving the table unrecognizable, and my husband pretty annoyed.

We found a phone number on the box and we called, and we called. One day after another we tried to reach somebody from game table land. Finally, we were able to connect. I explained what happened and they assured me that the parts would be sent immediately.

Weeks, no months went by. Nothing. I wasn't really complaining, I mean aside from feeling about two inches tall for ruining the family's fun, I was pretty happy to have the mess out in the garage. Actually, come to think of it, we had the thing in the playroom for a good four or five months. That was a fun thing to trip over.

Anyway, no shipment for a really long time. So I called again. Come to find out, the parts were on back order. We proceeded to call for the next nine months, hoping that the parts would make an appearance. One of the last phone calls instructed us that the parts we were waiting for had to come from oversees. Then weeks later we found out that they no longer make them.

Hm mm . . . hope for redemption was looking bleak. Because so much time had gone by, I was not suffering with the sting of remorse anymore. In fact, I was kind of happy to discover that maybe the table would not be making another appearance.

Then it happened. The guy over the phone offered to send us a whole new table - brand new. It was very similar to the first one, just a slightly different model, all at no charge. I froze. In this moment, I had a choice.

A couple of weeks later, we were visited by the Yellow truck company. A very large and awkward box was delivered, bringing back the dreadful memories. Strangely, the next day we received another shipment - it was the game table again! Not only did they try and make things right by sending us a whole new game table, they tried to give us two. For the sake of integrity, I refused the second package with a smile. It would have been dishonest to keep it.

Tonight as I type, I hear a ping-pong ball bouncing back and forth, and the joy of my kid's laughter. The second model came a little bit smaller in size, and more attractive on the outside. We've found a wonderful spot for it, and I no longer feel annoyed by it's awkwardness. These games are a wonderful way to bring this family together.

This whole scenario made me think about how God's timing can sometimes seem delayed. It took us a whole year before things started to turn around for this Christmas gift. I'm not sure I understand why it played out the way it did, but I do like to think that God was building something in all of us during the wait.

God heard my remorseful prayer a whole year ago - and was even able to bring good from a particle board heap.

Gift Cards

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ~ James 2:17

Today I am thankful for gift cards. Believing . . . seems like a pretty easy thing. But according to God's Word, our beliefs hold no real water unless there are actions that back them up. How often I forfeit a measure of peace for a helping of worry and doubt. I sometimes wonder if I will ever learn.

I drove into work today, with quite a load on my mind. Several needs had come in as the holidays are drawing near. Families that are less fortunate and in need of help - food, gas, bills . . . not to mention kids that won't get to have any kind of a Christmas.

There were a few families pending, still waiting to be adopted. Gulping at the thought, I sent up a silent prayer choosing to trust God amidst the enormous need. I felt like worrying about any of it would have been far too heavy. So instead, I put my racing mind to rest - and God amazingly moved the mountains that lay before me.

One after the other, I saw God provide for every need. One person brought in a couple of bags of groceries, and moments later they were picked up by a family. Gift cards poured in, with a smile or two. Offers to help from one small group (tried and true) and our Helping Hands ministry really helped carry the load. It was a pretty busy afternoon - and with God's grace I was able to take care of the most important things.

I had to laugh at myself today. As God surprised me with one provision after another, I couldn't help but to chuckle. Why do I doubt? God ALWAYS comes through in one way or another. He is always faithful when I feel like I don't have an ounce left to give. God's love abounds and His resources never run dry.

Faith without action is dead. Sometimes putting our belief in motion can mean no action at all. Waiting is active. We don't have to pull our hair out trying to crunch numbers or scramble for things that are beyond our reach.

When our faith is genuine and still - it is God that does the moving.

Armor

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. ~ Hebrews 11:6

As I sat alone with God this morning, we had our usual conversation. I grumbled about how dark it was outside, and how tired I was . . . then my sleepy half dreaming thoughts hit the pages of my journal. I don't remember now what I wrote, but I do remember making a solid decision for the day that lie ahead.

You know those aha moments with God, where He will shed light on something you have read a million times? It is almost like the text jumps off of the page and hits you right between the eyes.

While following along with my yearly reading plan, I stumbled upon a quite a gem while reading Hebrews 11. It is sometimes referred to as the faith chapter. The familiar words wrapped themselves around my heart like a warm blanket, making the wee hours of the morning more inviting. When I got to chapter six, my eyes halted. There was so much in that one sentence - certainly enough to fill a whole life's journey not to mention the next 24 hours.

There has been this little struggle on the inside of my heart, that challenges my trust in God. I will see the devastation of somebody else's circumstances . . . or the world hunger crisis . . . or a friend getting the flu, and then there seems to be this little chip that appears in my armor. After a day of ministering to folks that come through the office, I guess you could say I find myself pretty beat up. Without my shield of faith in place those fiery darts have a field day, always hitting me where it counts.

"Taking up the shield of faith, with which I can extinguish every fiery arrow of the evil one." I recite this every single morning as I shower, including every other piece of armor found in Ephesians 6. I never really thought about it before, but my faith is a really big part of keeping myself protected from the evil one.

I walked out of the house this morning, not looking to solve the world's hunger crisis. I was not planning on writing the next best seller (although that would be a hoot), nor did I have my heart set on becoming any kind of a hero.

One slow and steady step at a time, I was making the choice to live by faith. That simple but complicated decision is more than enough for this girl's plate.

Today I am thankful for the Armor of God. Stay suited up fellow warrior . . . according to God's Word - our faith is enough.

Disheveled

So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded.
~ Hebrews 10:35

My wonderful husband came home early this afternoon to surprise me with a special project he was working on. As I came down the hall toward the playroom, to my horror, it looked like a tornado hit.

I was speechless. I tried to find words, but nothing came out. I remember my arms flailing . . . my eyebrows were furrowed, but no sound came out of my mouth. The hours I had spent cleaning and organizing a couple of nights before had gone up in flames. The floor I finally cleared was now unrecognizable, covered with the books I had carefully organized days before.

Mark was stunned. He was really surprised by my reaction - for his heart really was to make me happy. We have this entertainment center positioned along one of the walls of the playroom. It has several shelves, holding books, toys, games and videos. We talked briefly the other night about cutting the center out and making two bookcases out of it. I thought it sounded like a great idea . . . but I did not realize he was fixin' to take care of it.

My plans for that room (at least until Christmas was over) was to keep in neat and tidy. My sister will be staying in there over Christmas, and I wanted to make it comfortable for her. Mark had no idea.

I'm sure it will be one of those things we will laugh about years down the road, or maybe a even a little bit later on tonight. I so appreciate my husband's kindness in wanting to surprise me. I have to say, I was pretty surprised.

God showed me this afternoon that the way I felt when I walked into that demolished room is how I have been feeling about something else in my life. It was a great illustration for feelings I have not been able to articulate until now. My first reaction to Mark's special project was anger, fear and terrible discouragement. I couldn't even stand in that room a moment longer, because the mess was just too much for me to bear.

I look forward to the way that God will peel the layers away, revealing the true lesson. What a gift this frustration has been. I was able to see Mark's chivalry in wanting to help out - and there was one of life's lessons to boot. God was teaching me patience amidst that disheveled mess, and there was simply no room for a temper tantrum.

I read this morning the importance of not throwing away our confidence. Whether it is in hopes for a clean playroom (that will stay clean for more than 48 hours), or we are looking for direction along this spiritual journey . . . God promises that our confidence will be richly rewarded.

As Mark and Matthew work to put each book back into place, I will choose confidence over those pesky feelings of defeat.

Straight

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promises is faithful. ~ Hebrews 10:23

Today I am thankful to know that God's grace is enough. My day was definitely not something that would be considered unswerving. As a matter of fact, from one moment to the next, I found myself on quite a roller coaster. With my heart is so much anguish, I thought for sure it would burst - I did all that I could do today - and that was to hold on.

I wish I could tell you that I grabbed on to hope and tucked it into a neat little heart shaped pocket. But I would be lying. This day met me with tormenting dreams and anxiety up the ying yang. Where it all was coming from . . . I can't be certain. But I will say that God used a dear friend of mine to chase the doubt away.

As I braved the day, a phone call from a dear friend accompanied a prayer request. My prayer this morning was short and simple . . . "help". She spent time encouraging me, and asking me some of the difficult questions - questions I still don't have answers for.

It meant so much to have her care today. She reached out with the genuine love of a friend, and I felt so touched by her selflessness. As the day wore on, my circumstances did not change, but the burden began to lift. Like a ten ton building, I literally felt massive amounts of concrete burdens crumble through my perseverance. God counseled me today, through the sweet intercession of a friend.

I wish I could tell you that my faith is always a straight line - from point A which is my heart, to point B which is God's. But the truth is, there is nothing tidy about my walk with the Lord. Some days are filled with disappointment and terrible heartache. Others find me bubbling with joy.

And regardless of where I find myself, the Lord is always the same. Constant, unchanging and every near . . . for He who promises will send that phone call or word of encouragement just when I need it - for He is forever faithful.

Whistles

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
~ Psalm 27:4

I am very thankful for productive afternoons like this one. After finding out that my Dad wasn't going to make it into town for Behold the Lamb, I decided to tackle one of my pending projects. My son Matthew and I spent an hour or two cleaning out the playroom.

He was quite the good helper. After some supervision on my part, and some handy suggestions on his, we managed to get the place looking really good. Books are all arranged, toys have found their rightful place, and a lot of the things the kids don't play with anymore have been tucked into plastic bags to give away.

There is still plenty I could work on tonight, as Mark is out playing cards. I've got some Christmas wrapping that needs my attention . . . and well, you get the idea. But instead, I think I will sit in front of the fire and relax a bit. My head spins and my heart aches from tormenting thoughts of the day - all of which hang on this one question.

"Why?"

Ever been there? A silent prayer sent up, hoping that God will give some kind of indication as to why. I speak not of some uncomfortable position where somebody has done me wrong. This is not about a tragedy of some kind, as I try to reconcile a loving God with the pain of this world. This "why" is more about reasons . . . what are my reasons? The painful reality is that I don't even know anymore.

I find myself being a person of heart and conviction. What I pour myself into needs to matter - it needs to line up with the core of my beliefs and who I am. Is the mystery due to some kind of disobedience on my part? Have I heard the voice of God, but ignored it because it was too hard to hear?

As much as I like being productive, and giving off the air of making some kind of a difference, the truth is - I just want to be with Him. No bells, no whistles, no complicated game plans . . .

This empty night, I long to dwell in the house of the Lord - to simply gaze upon His beauty . . . with nothing added, nothing taken away . . . a place where the whys of this life will finally cease.

Rust

You shall not make for yourself an idol, in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them;
~ Exodus 20:4

So many of life's details try and come between myself and my God. Most of the time I am not really even aware of this happening. And like dirt that begins to collect in the grout of my heart - one day I am suddenly aware of my neglect.

I use the dirty bathroom parallel, because it seems to fit the inside as well as the outside today. While getting myself ready this morning, I was horrified to see how much dirt has been collecting. I clean my bathrooms (and my house) every week. I wipe down the counters, scrub my toilets, Windex the mirrors and sweep and mop the floors. I douse the shower with some bleach spray, and things are good to go.

But after a while, I notice that the surface cleaning is just not enough - I need to devote myself to some deep cleaning. Hair spray glues dirt particles to the lip of the mirror. Grout turns from white to brown, after dust sets in. Mildew threatens to take permanent residence in our shower, and toothpaste stains the drain in the sink.

Having this eye-opening experience makes me want to set everything else aside to go scrub. Okay, what sounds so difficult about that? Well, here's the thing. The bathroom is only one of many rooms that has not been given a deep cleaning in a while. There are places on my walls that need to be touched up with paint. The playroom needs to be cleaned out, so that we can make room for Christmas toys. I've got the itch to clean out drawers and scrub cabinets . . . all of which tends to throw me into a cleaning frenzy.

This morning God was showing me a particular area of my heart that I have given over to an idol. This is not an easy thing to look at. Like the dirt that clings to my walls and invades my sparkle, it is something that has moved in subtly and unnoticed.

But today, God turned the spotlight on to the dirt in my heart, exposing every crack and crevice. Yikes!! As I find myself surrounded by a household project or two, my heart is also due for an oil check of sorts. Through this sanctification process, God wants to tune things up a bit, making sure my thoughts and motives are worthy of His white glove.

So where could you use a little bit of cleaning today? Is there a negative thought pattern you have put up with? Maybe you have a bad habit you've been determined to break, or you've gotten so used to the clutter that you don't even notice it anymore.

Wherever you are, however messy it is on the inside - you can believe that no amount of cobwebs are going to chase God away. He lowered Himself, to the point of dying on a cross - for you. There is nothing that you've done, nothing that you have neglected that would cause Him to push you away.

God's place is first . . . above anything that can be seen, heard, felt or touched. As I wonder how in the world I am going to find time to get these new projects in my home accomplished, I rest knowing that it isn't so much about the work - it is about abiding in Him. God is far more concerned about the rusty hinges on the inside of my heart than He is about what can be seen.

I know that if I put my relationship with God above everything else, that in due time, the anointing oil of the Holy Spirit will be faithful to take care of the rust.

Behold

Not a lot of time to write. I have a living room full of my favorite people gathering near the fire with a bag of popcorn fresh out of the microwave.

We just came from church a few minutes ago, where we were able to "Behold the Lamb". I hope to write a little bit more about the impact this performance has made on me . . . I have never EVER seen anything quite like it. I was awestruck, as talent and heart came together in one incredible rendition. To say that it was enjoyable would be a gross understatement.

That little Baby born in a manger . . .

Thanks to the unbelievable talent of Andrew Peterson, not to mention some of the amazing musicians from our very own church Body - I see God's story a little bit clearer this cold wintry night.

Not with my eyes, nor my ears - but with my heart.

Darts

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17

This week I discovered something pretty profound about myself. They began darting in from every direction, hitting wounded and vulnerable pockets of my heart. It is not very noticeable on the surface, in fact, I doubt that many people know this about me. I mean after all, I have been pretty good at looking like I have everything together. I should be pretty good at it by now . . . it has been a practice of mine practically my whole life.

Insecurity. It creeps in like a bad odor, just waiting to pounce when I least expect it. Finding out that I have become pretty much of a of people pleaser, I dug a little bit further to discover that there is a very deep seeded lie that I have believed for years. This lie is a tape that plays over and over in my head. It has become so much a part of my consciousness, that I rarely even notice it anymore.

Here is the lie that I have been believing for as long as I can remember. There are others, but this is by far the most devastating blow of all.

"You are not liked . . . everyone you meet . . . everyone who knows you - they don't like you. You could try to win their affection, but nothing you do will ever make you good enough . . . you will never be worthy of love."

Pretty rotten, huh? I have to wonder what in the world happened to me to make me think something like this. God had me take a look at this square in the face last night. What is even more disturbing, is that this whole concept will a lot of times come between me and my relationship with God. I will sometimes believe the same thing about His affections for me. Part of me wonders when the lightning is going to strike - when God will finally give up and walk away. After all, He does just tolerate me anyway, right?

Am I alone in this? Is there anybody else out there who struggles with self worth and the idea of grace? I think my greatest fear of all is rejection . . . and in looking at my behavior, I think I do just about anything to avoid it.

God's Word can be such a powerful Sword for situations like mine. I trust that God has allowed me to see the depravity of my mind . . . so that He can transform it with the Truth.

Just think, He delights in me . . . ME . . . and you too. He even rejoices over us with singing! Now that sounds to me like a notch or two up from simply tolerating.

My prayer for myself and all of you who struggle with self esteem issues is this:

Lord may we see ourselves as you do. You command us to love. Give us the grace to love as you do - unconditionally, without end . . . especially when it comes to that person we find staring back in the mirror.

Rule

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ~ Colossians 3:15

This verse is very fitting for me today, as peace seems elusive. Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel a little bit off kilter? I can't really say that there is anything wrong per se, but at the same time I feel as though I could cry forever.

I never really feel comfortable in my own skin on days like these. I am not sure how I fit, I am not sure if I am making any sense, or how I am relating to others. Is what I am saying sounding really stupid? Is my silence rude, or something to be ridiculed? I'm not really too sure why my feelings seems to be hanging off my sleeve like an open wound this beautiful afternoon. Hormones may be playing a part, or maybe it has something to do with lack of sleep. Trying to figure out the reason for this moment of insanity only makes me dizzy inside, so instead I choose to rest.

Letting the peace of Christ rule in my heart simply means letting go. I don't have to have all of the answers, I don't have to be understood and liked by everyone I come into contact with today. God knows who is behind the smile and garbled speech - even better than I do . . . and He loves me just the same.

"Let the peace of Christ rule" . . . it doesn't say force the peace of Christ or make it happen by sheer determination, it says "let" or allow. God's peace can move in only when I am willing to step aside. My eyes need to be taken off of myself and my circumstances, to be fixed on Him. This verse fits well for insecure afternoons such as these, where I just want to crawl into His lap, and pour my heart out. Lil' ol me, with all of the confusing entanglement in tow.

My jumbled emotions may end up getting the best of me today. But make no mistake, by the end of the day, the peace that loving Christ affords - will rule.

Bark

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
~ 1 John 4:4

Today I am thankful for our dog Ginger. I took her in today to get her fixed - no puppies for this house. We've already got three of them running around, all looking a lot like Mark. Hmmm . . .

After dropping Ginger off early this morning, I have been thinking about her off and on all day. I wondered how she was doing and if everything was going okay. Finally at around 2pm I picked up the phone to call the vet. It was very reassuring to hear that surgery went well, and that she was recovering nicely. I look forward to picking her up in an hour or so.

I guess you can say that I am an animal person. During my growing up years, we always had a couple of dogs and a cat or two. One was even my very own - Barney, an over sized Sheltie that was a result of one of our mama dog's litters. I loved my Barney boy. He and I got pretty well acquainted through the years. I took him to obedience school and trained him myself. We even participated in a dog show or two. I still have a second place prize sitting in our curio cabinet.

Barney and I went through a lot together. Just like most of our animals growing up, Barney was hit by a car. We lived on a pretty busy street, and for some reason or another, our animals would always get out. I remember coming home from the skate arena one afternoon, to find out that Barney was in the dog hospital. I was devastated. Fortunately, he only suffered a broken leg, and was able to come home after a day or so. His leg was never the same after that.

Then there was Patches, the most beautiful Calico cat anyone has ever seen. She had bright eyes, and was about as sweet as could be. I was so attached to that cat. Her tragic passing was my first experience with death. One morning on the way to summer drama, I saw her lifeless body laying on the curb, filled with ants. I was crushed, I think I cried off and on for a whole month.

Then there was Dooh Dah, a white Himalayan cat who was also squashed by a car (and I saw that one happen). The driver of the car got out and proceeded to kick her after running her over. Needless to say, I was pretty traumatised.

Then Sammy, my ten year old miniature pincher decided to run away and never come back. And my last heartbreak was a 20 year old cat named Kiwi. I held her paws and stroked her head as she left this world. It was really amazing . . . I literally watched her soul leave her body.

So as I thought about Ginger today, I knew that anything could happen. I was really hoping that everything would turn out okay, for the kid's sake and for mine - but I found myself holding her loosely. Maybe it has to do with all of the pet heartache I have had to endure. But I've gotta say, that with each companion, the journey (even the bitter ends) have all been worth it.

You may wonder what this has to do with my memory verse for the day -- and well, I really couldn't tell you. What I can say, is that God has healed every single one of those devastating blows for me. Some people might bark about such drama, but when you are an animal person, there is something really special about the connection that is made with your pet.

Greater is God than the pain I have had to endure. Because as far as my furry friends go, the good memories outweigh the traumatic ones. I am an overcomer through these and other painful tragedies in my life for one reason, and one reason alone.

As His child, I was covered through every smile and tear. He is the Healer of My Heart . . . the One who holds it all.

Our Side

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ~ Romans 8:31

I am thankful today for God's covering. I look around, and there is pain and tragedy in every corner. I hear of people who are down and out with their finances, unable to find work. Families who are homeless, trying to stay warm and clothed. I see the devastating pain some carry due to other people's choices. And then there are the burdensome loads brought on by circumstances.

I found myself having a pretty good reason to get depressed today. Let's face it, this world is going down the toilet. Sin rules in so many hearts . . . love gets lost in words of hate. There are broken bones, unhealed wounds and shattered hearts - just to name a few.

Then there are the petty little annoyances, like this morning. My alarm didn't go off today. I could have sworn that I set it last night. At 7am my eyes opened up, and in a panic, I discovered that I was crawling out of bed one hour late. God miraculously got me out the door on time (minus about five or ten minutes), but I really could have done without the drama.

We get cut off in traffic, dinner burns and the customer support department we have been trying to reach for weeks continues to have a busy phone line. This is life - life on the planet earth. Inconvenienced, put out and trampled on . . . yes, this is the fate of human existence - at least from what can be seen.

The greatest part about inviting God to live on the inside of us, is that among an abundance of gifts, He offers us His perspective on things. Yes, life is difficult, we live in a fallen world. Nobody said that things would be easy, so why does it strangely feel like we are getting a raw deal?

Our hearts have been set for eternity. We want people to live forever, because we were made for such. We desire complete and total healing, because we are able to live in fullness without the obstruction of pain. We long for Leave it to Beaver and Brady Bunch (a little confession of mine) because life as we know it really isn't the end of the story.

As we move through the Monday through Sunday's of life, God wants to use every obstacle to prepare us for a better place. We are in preparation for eternity, where there will be no more tears . . . no more death.

If God is for us, who can be against us? We have a choice dear friend. We can either choose to let the sad parts of life bring us down, or we can turn our face towards the sky in patience praise. We can trust that God knows what He is doing - He has a wonderful plan. Unfortunately, the scrapes and the bruises just happen to be a part of it.

So are you feeling depressed now? It's okay to be real with your feelings - you can speak with God openly. He will always listen. And when you are exhausted after beating his chest and crying your eyes out, He will still be there.

Whatever you are going through today, be encouraged to know that God is on your side. With every one of your disappointments, every weary and sorrowful tear - He drops one of His very own.

Indwelling

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him, will not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ~ John 3:16,17

I am thankful today for God's grace. Truly, I should not be alive because of some of the choices I've made. God has drew me out of some pretty deep waters. He has set my feet upon a Rock . . . that Rock is Jesus.

I started reading an amazing book yesterday called "The Monday Morning Church". I have not been affected by a book this way in a really long time (with the exception of the Bible). There is a Holy Spirit anointing on this piece of work - revealing the heart of God and our responsibility as His disciples.

This book by Jerry Cook begins by taking a look at three of the ways that God has chosen to reveal Himself. First, we have the God of the Old Testament. With a large booming voice, he reveals Himself in a cloud or through the consuming fire of sacrifices. Only a select few were chosen to talk to God. And the idea of an encounter with God brought much fear to man. I don't see much about grace in these scenes . . . but that is what makes the next chapter to sweet. The Old Testament picture of God has me on my face in reverential awe.

Second, we see the tenderness of God in that sweet baby born to Mary. There is nothing threatening about a baby, and God chose to send Jesus this way to initiate the connection He desired all along - relationship. Imagine this, the King of all Kings, and Lord of Lords did not come to be served . . . wait a minute, think about that for a moment. Aren't kings supposed to be served? No, not this One . . . He came to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Third, God has manifest Himself in believers all over the world through the Holy Spirit. The first century church operated very much in the prompting and the empowerment of the One who filled them. That same Spirit (and manifestation of God) lives inside of you and me today! God chooses the weak and the foolish things to shame the wise. He wants to reveal Himself to this world through ordinary people just like you and me. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." What would God see if He visited your neck of the woods?

I've only read up to page 55 of this book but I've gotta tell you, there is something that has really caught my attention. If you've read Love Acceptance and Forgiveness, you will want to pick this one up too. It is the sequel.

For those of you who have read the first one, I have no doubts that your perspective has already been altered. In order for us to really operate in love, acceptance and forgiveness, we need to have confidence, courage and trust. That is what this second book talks about. So far, it has awakened my awareness of the continual presence of God . . . something I long for every moment.

Be encouraged today to know that God has the most amazing purpose for your life. You have been called to love Him and others. Your continual heart and attitude can be just like Jesus . . . as you carry around the following question. "What can I do for you?" Be ready with this kind of artillery, and God will present you with plenty of opportunities to shine for Him.

God so loved the world . . . he came as a little baby, to save the world from the separation of sin. The God who swallowed soldiers with the sea, and burned entire cities . . . leaving only a remnant few - He is also the God who sacrificed His own Son.

. . . Not to condemn - but to save.

Repetition

You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
~ John 14:14

I am thankful today for the Bible's repetition. There are so many messages God sends through His written word, that He knows we need to hear more than once. Promises, especially the ones like John 14:14, the ones that are hard to really believe - God repeats them in various places.

The beauty of hiding God's Word in your heart through meditation and memorization, is that the principle begins to live and breath in the inside of you. God's truth becomes your reality . . . and as a result you can begin to operate according to that truth. As His disciples, we can begin to discern the lies and throw them headlong into the nearest garbage bin.

There is something I want to ask God for, but I find myself a little bit sheepish. (Kinda funny since we are His sheep. Just a thought.) What if He says no? What if He says yes? Are my motives pure? What would something like this mean ? What will it require of me and how will it change me? I have experienced the yeses and the nos from our loving God on one occasion or another. His answers always align with His character and His will.

Because God answers our prayers in direct connection with His plan and purpose, there really is no need for fear in the asking. If it is a no, then I can trust that it wasn't God's best for me. And if it is a yes, then I'd better buckle my seat belt for another descent off of the precipice called faith.

I decided a while back that fear just wasn't going to be an option for me anymore. No looking back. After all, what have I got to lose? Everything I will ever need is found in my relationship with the Lord.

And promise after repetitive promise, I am told that he will never let me go.

Wishes

If you remain in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. ~ John 15:7

Today I am thankful for wishes. Although, I know that many times I will approach God with a sort of a step-and-fetch it mentality. Lord, I need this, and could you please help that person over there? I know that you are the God of the universe, you are fully capable . . . so would you please take care of these things for me? The thought of such makes me feel sick, but if I am going to be honest with myself I have to say, that at times, this is my approach.

In a strange sort of way this verse does sound almost genie-like to me. Does God really mean that He will give me whatever I wish? It is like rubbing some kind of a magic lamp? If I am given three wishes, can one of my wishes be an endless amount of more wishes? What are the rules anyway? And something else to consider . . . are there even rules?

God revealed the hidden treasure behind these words to me some time ago. I am filled with an abundance of joy - not because my every whim has been tended to - but because I am one with Him. To remain means to stay, or to continue. It means hang on to the companionship of Jesus Christ, with the embrace of the pain as well as the blessings.

Now the second part is crucial. "If my words abide in you . . . " Abide holds a similar meaning: to reside, await and endure. God's Word needs to be planted deep within my heart and mind. And in order for it's power to take root, it must stay.

We live in a world that trains us to think life is all about "me". My comfort, my desires and my dreams. This is where I think we can get into trouble tallying up a big wish list. God is not in the business of providing for our every whim. It is only when our desires and our wishes match His, that we see the fruit of what we long for.

Him in me - and I in Him. When we begin to understand the magnificence of God's presence, then all that surrounds us becomes secondary and needless.

Be determined to put Jesus Christ at the top of your wish list . . . and you will see every one of your dreams come true.

A Boy

Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ. ~ Galatians 1:10

I am thankful today for a boy named Clay. My little nephew of four years old died six years ago today. He was bright, funny, charming . . . and a great dancer. He lost his battle with neuroblastoma that cold December night - but his spirit lives on in all of us.

I could re-count the details of that night, and all of the things that I remember leading up to it, but I choose not to. There was something so incredibly sacred about that time. Even if I tried, the words wouldn't come out right. How do you explain something like that? Even after all of these years, I struggle to find words. Hushed, quieted and calm . . . this is my best attempt.

Without giving too many details, I remember blurs of family, food, hugs and greeting cards. I remember wondering what the Christmas tree in my living room meant anymore. I wondered what anything meant - why would God let a little boy suffer and die like that?

Everyone you talk to has got some kind of a horror story. We live in a fallen world, and pain is inevitable. Traumatic memories and places we have chosen to block out of our minds, these all fall under the category of misery. For Jodie, the loss of Clay was her nightmare - one that she has not been able to wake up from.

But darkness and pain has only been a fraction of the story. Terrible flashbacks and unspeakable emptiness, though daunting - have not won. Over the past six years, I have seen Jodie grow into the most incredible woman of faith. God amazingly took that little mustard seed of piercing pain, and planted it deep within her troubled heart.

What I have seen blossom is difficult to describe. I see a mix of vulnerability and strength all a the same time. There is this embrace of life like never before, and the brave willingness to face the pain head on. I see a love for every breath, and the cursing of that same breath.

As Jodie navigates through the rest of her own days, she does not seek the approval of man. She has learned that God is her only guarantee. His promises can be trusted, even when things look as black as night.

If I have ever seen a servant of Christ, it's my Jo Jo. Through this tragedy she has shed all of the things that hold little importance, to embrace what really matters - family, faith and love.

I will never forget that blue-eyed little boy. And his dear mother is something pretty incredible to behold. She is beautifully broken, clay being molded in the Potter's hands . . . a precious servant to nobody else but the King.

Hemmed In

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. ~ Jeremiah 33:3

Today I am grateful for God's tenderness. I wrote about "answers" yesterday . . . and today's verse tells me that He WILL answer me when I call. Wow. It is one of those moments where I feel absolutely hemmed in by God. Some people might call it a coincidence, while others would carelessly shrug it off. Not me. It is in moments like these that God is so real.

A lot came together for me yesterday in the evening. I was sent home with this question to ponder, "What is yours to own?" This strange and awkward question had me realize something. I've been hiding. I didn't realize this until I really took time to think about this question. My normal tendency, to shrink back and hide, is what started to take motion . . . but instead a new strength began to surface. There was something more that God wanted me to see.

What is mine to own? Good question. In other words, what is my responsibility, and what will my next step look like? Next steps for me have been pretty elusive lately, but God sent His picture as clear as crystal.

A dear friend of mine crystallized everything during some of our sharing time today. Sitting on a fence, here but not really here, and not there either . . . yes, that is what I have been doing too. I have undergone some pretty deep wounds, and there are things that only God will be able to untangle. But I am ready to brush myself off and stand - to get off of the fence (so to speak) and to embrace this place that I've been called.

This shrunk back place has been my way of protecting myself. Silly, I know - but it is what I learned how to do very early on, and it is so easy to fall into that same default. There are so many things God has been showing me, and none of which I would ever be able to articulate, even if I tried. It is all so deeply intimate - just between me and Him.

But I will try and share this little nugget. I've come to realize that I have been trying to protect myself, using this method or that. Most of the time it is subconsciously. And underneath the smiles and behind the labels - I have been shrinking to the point of death. Well, I've decided from this point on that shrinking just isn't going to cut it for me anymore. I have been trying to protect myself from the pain - when pain is what God wants me to embrace.

In Hannah Harnard's book "Hind's Feet", we see that Much Afraid's companions were Sorrow and Suffering. She needed those companions in order to be taken to the high places - there was simply no other way. It seemed so strange and cruel of The Shepherd. But as the story unfolds, we can see why such friends were chosen.

In the same way, God will choose sorrow and suffering to lead us along this journey of sanctification. It is not supposed to be easy . . . look at what Jesus endured. A cross. Jesus knew his purpose, His reason for being here was not His own - it was all about the Father's will. And we must remember that we too have been bought with a price.

Call to Me . . . yes, my heart calls out through waves of worship. Prayer continues to be on the tip of my tongue. Answers fall like rain in the waiting, and how wonderfully refreshing the cleansing can be.

Answers

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

Today I am thankful in the waiting. I have been walking through a very long and barren desert for quiet some time now. It is quiet here, and the blow of the wind is the only movement I can discern. It is a sweet invigorating breeze, that moves through the deepest part of my being.

Answers . . . questions keep presenting themselves with needed answers, and I always seem to come up short. Every time I look the concept of leadership in the face, I come up blank. It doesn't matter how long I ponder, which books I read, or who's teaching I'm under. I long to discover my next step, His next command - but all is silent.

It is beautiful and serene here in the silence. It can be so easily disturbed by the demands of other people - even the demands on my own self. God's presence is so incredibly warm and inviting here, that I sometimes long to walk away from everything . . . just to sit at His feet.

"I will praise You in the waiting . . . " This is a new song that I heard on the radio today. Yes, this is where I am - in the waiting. My heart sits at the edge of it's seat hoping to hear the call, working in preparation for the battle that awaits. In the waiting, I am strengthened. In the waiting His message to me is not always discerned, but His strong and familiar voice is crystal clear.

My hope is not in the answers. I will not spend another moment searching for a formula or the right approach to ministry.

My answer is and always will be - Him.

Two Years

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. ~ Joshua 1:9

Today I am thankful for God's healing. I know . . . I talk about my illness and surgery an awful lot. Somebody even gave me some unwanted advice. "Stop living in the past!" But as much as I try, I just can't stop marveling at God's rescue.

Two years ago today I underwent major surgery. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. They didn't know if I would make it out. Only God knew . . . and He held me as close as ever during that dark and chilly season.

The older I get, the more I can see that in order for us to really be thankful for something, it has to be taken away for a while. Does this ring true for anyone? Sometimes we start taking a person or a relationship for granted, and when it takes a turn for the worst, we long to have it back. Nostalgia can carry us back, leaving an ache of what once was. Health is a biggie. You just don't know how great it is to move through a regular day until you are too weak to move at all.

I do tend to look back quite often, I must admit. But I don't glance in the direction of yesterday so that I can mope around about all of the twists and turns, nor am I looking to sport any kind of "poor me" trophy. Through God's eyes, I am able to appreciate the triumph of that storm. There is something so wonderfully intimate about that season - it was just me and God fighting things through. His presence was so strong and unmistakable.

I want to apologize if I am boring you to death with my hospital stories. Amidst all of the details, I hope that you can discern the beauty . . . through the darkness there was the most incredible sparkle. It embodies a voice that whispered, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Wherever I go . . . He was even with me as I fought for my next breath - two terrible years ago.

A never-ending flow of thankfulness pours from my heart. I will never stop singing His praise.

Magenta

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is work within us.

~ Ephesians 3:20

Today I am thankful for warmth. Chilly winds have set it. As the colorful leaves go limp and submit to the season, I am reminded of how wonderfully warm it is inside. Bundled up in a blanket, sipping on hot chocolate reading a good book - what could be better?

There is a little tree that sits outside of my bedroom window. Small in stature, the fragile looking branches stand firm against the bitter wind. There is so much about this tree that reminds me of my Grandma. When she went to be with the Lord five years ago, that tree was planted in her memory.

There are oodles of things that I love about that tree - it's large shiny leaves, it's delicate and graceful posture. But my absolute favorite part, are the bright pink blossoms that arrive dead in the middle of winter.

The color of springtime boastfully rising toward the sun, when everything else around it shivers. My Grandma's life and legacy operated very much the same. She had endured some real heartache in her life, but she always managed to meditate on the silver lining. My Grandma Dottie spent her life helping other people, with a smile, some groceries - and every once in a while a break into the Hollywood scene.

Just like my beautiful Grandmother, that tree symbolizes what it means to walk by faith. As the storms of life blow in, often times unannounced, we feel naked and stripped to the bone. But underneath the surface lies a power that could come only from God. This power challenges any giant, it overcomes the worst of circumstances, bringing hearts of contention together into lasting unity. This power I speak of is love. God's sweet reminder for me, is packaged in foliage that has been carefully placed outside of my window.

Life is hard. Storms can be fierce and unyielding at times. But in spite of torrential rains and crisp winds . . . one strong and determined flower can break through the impossible, bringing the hope of spring.

I am thankful today for the warmth of color. It amazingly washes away all that seems gray and bleak. Jesus Christ holds a rainbow of promises for anyone willing to simply ask and believe.

This life giving power of hope, color and love is held in you and me. Be bold as magenta in the grays of life. Turn your face toward heaven, and be determined to bloom - regardless of what the winds bring.

Challenge

I've been posed with a challenge . . . a very wonderful challenge to boot. A dear friend of mine has encouraged me to make a list of the things I am thankful for.

I have thought about approaching this project a number of different ways. I could think of one thing for every letter of the alphabet. I could go through every year of my life and choose something to be thankful for. (Some years would be easier than others of course.) I could even make a list of the people in my life, and begin that way. But what God has put on my heart is far more extensive.

The thought of writing down all that I am thankful for seems like an insurmountable task. There are the necessities that God always provides for, the blessings that shower down here and there, and even the pain. Then there are the warm fuzzies, which would absolutely make the list. So instead of sitting down to write an exhaustive list, I've decided to make the idea of being thankful more of a practice.

I am going to try something new with my posts each day. For those of you who have followed along, you've noticed that I write about a pretty varied set of things. There is really no pattern, nor is there a rhyme or reason to my writing. Every post has something to do with the way that God has made Himself known in my day. And as I'm learning, God is not really somebody I've been able to put into a formula. There is no pattern, and He always jumps right out of the boxes I try to stuff Him into.

So in tribute to my friend, and for the sake of sharpening myself - this is what I've decided to so. At the top and the very beginning of my daily posts, I am going to include two things. One is my memory verse for the day (this is to keep myself accountable), and two, I will articulate something that I am thankful for.

As I transition into this new format, this post will be a little bit backwards. Today, the goodies will be posted at the bottom.

My verse for today is found in Mark 9:23. "If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

** This day I am thankful for the strength and the tenderness of my husband's faith. **

Puppies

My cousin Jodie's dog had puppies a few days ago. Hours before the delivery, an ultrasound informed her that Sadie was carrying four puppies. Unfortunately not all four are still with us. Just like with a lot of first time litters, two of the puppies didn't make it, leaving us with two - one big and one little.

There I sat today holding that little bundle of fur, mesmerized over God's creation. Tiny paws, itty bitty whiskers and eyes that were closed shut. The puppies were too small to open up and let any light in. Their ears were too new to discern sound. As they cuddled in the dark and quiet shelter of their mother, I saw contentment and fulfillment on furry faces.

These tiny babies struggled to keep their wobbly heads straight. It seemed to take all that they had in them just to inch up and latch on. But once attached to that warm supply of milk, I saw nature at it's best. There is something so intimate and sacred about a nursing mommy - dog, human . . . it really makes no difference. These puppies could not see nor hear - but somehow, they knew where to find lunch.

Like my cousin Jodie said today, "There is something that touches you deep down inside when you hold on of these puppies."

She was right . . . I felt a mix of wonder, amazement, happiness and sadness all at that same time. New life had come from the union two. Sure, science explains it and people witness it with every funeral and newborn cry - but the concept of life and death still grabs on to me like nothing else.

Sacred is the word I will use to describe my encounter today. The death of two, and the life of two . . . you would think things would somehow be all balanced out. But like I read this week, death is not the opposite of life - it is the absence of it. As much as these new babies will be cherished, the fallen puppies are just as missed.

Beauty is most visible amidst terrible pain, and light most illuminating against the backdrop of darkness. Warmth is always most inviting when it's cold, and life is strangely most mesmerizing when surrounded by death.

Found

It was as if I had won the lottery or something. One glance at my friend Sherri's arms, and my heart leaped. There she was, safe and sound and soon to be in my arms again. My Bible . . . she's been found!!!

Stacked underneath more stacking-type material, she has been hanging out in Jodie's office for two weeks. I was sure I had looked in there . . . but being tucked underneath some other things created the perfect hiding place.

As I cracked her open early this morning, it felt like I was slipping on my favorite pair of jeans. I love the smell and the feel of this Bible. The worn and missing tabs, the tattered pages - each tiny detail was a wonder to look at.

I will not be leaving my house with her anymore. I am thinking that I really do want to leave this Bible as a legacy for my children. With all of the notes I have written in it, I like to think that my great great great grandchildren might want to crack it open to see what my walk with God was like.

I really was ready to let my friend go, but it is nice knowing that I won't have to - yet. I thank God for returning something that has been so sacred and unforgettable.

Traced steps - with Him.

Bagel

The people I hold nearest and dearest to my heart - the ones who know me best - my beloved family . . . well, I have to say that they are all a little bit off. For some unknown reason, they think that I have a really strange sense of humor. Personally, I just think they fail to see "funny" when they see it.

I do have to admit though, that when I am the ONLY person laughing in the whole room, and even the dog is giving me a funny look, it makes me wonder about myself.

I tend to do really dumb things. I will often times attribute it to my blondness, and other times I just shrug my shoulders and move on. When somebody catches me doing some off the wall thing (and Jodie is really good at that), and they call me on it - I am suddenly in stitches.

I am tickled most when somebody will imitate something I have said or done, making me realize in that moment what a goofball I've been. For example, this morning I was making my kid's their breakfast. Makayla had her usual, a frozen cinnamon toast waffle, and the boys wanted cream cheese bagels.

As my girl sat quietly eating her food, I barged in and began to spread cream cheese on the bagels that had been lightly toasted. So what is so funny about that you wonder? Well, I just happened to be in my "hurried" mode, and I was trying to cut some corners by moving at a rapid speed. Now trying to spread cream cheese on a moving bagel can cause a girl to get pretty intense.

I worked quickly and very forcefully, trying to spread the cream cheese as best I could. In this moment, I was a serious as a heart attack thinking about all of the things I still needed to do to get out the door. We weren't late mind you . . . because my rapid pace really was paying off.

Then it happened. My oldest son began to comment on my behavior, making me laugh for the next twenty minutes or so.

"Whoa . . . " he said. "You were acting like the bagel was trying to escape or something."

That's all it took. His reaction to my odd cream-cheese spreading had me in stitches. I did not realize I was being so intense until he opened his mouth.

Stuff like that will happen (things that really are not funny to other people), and it will get me laughing until I am crying. I have memories of when we were first married that just kill me. One of the things I have always loved about Mark is that he can always make me laugh.

So what tickles you? Is it a funny movie? A funny face? A joke? In other words, is it something that is actually funny?

I think Maykayla might be a little bit like her Mommy when it comes to giggles. The other night she got tickled about something, and laughed for a good ten minutes. She just couldn't stop. And was she laughing about something that was actually funny? No, not really. People say that she looks like me, but I think our similarities might run a little bit deeper.

I thank God for the gift of laughter. This world has plenty of things to be serious and sad about. It's those laugh out loud moments of pure joy that bring it all around.

Cream cheese anyone?

Out There

Some of the things I blog about really make me feel like I am putting myself out there. It seems that when I sit down to post each day, whatever is on my heart is what gets typed on the keyboard.

I feel a little bit of remorse about yesterday's post - not because things didn't turn out well, because they really did (praise God). But I feel kind of funny about sharing something personal that involved another person. In other words, this was kind of a private matter that maybe needed to be kept that way - private. I do hope that I have not crossed any kind of boundary. Keeping the person anonymous was my way of protecting . . . I really hope that will be enough.

I was delightfully surprised at how well the conversation went. I decided to face my fears, and share my feelings today. Walls came a tumbling down, and the icy chill of my hurt melted away as we exchanged words. There was no ill intent (which I never thought that there was). I was able to get a better understanding of where this person was coming from, and I was better understood as well.

Communication is so important as we walk this journey of life together. I want to encourage you tonight . . . if there is something weighing heavy on your heart in regards to somebody else's words or actions - be brave and initiate a conversation. I can tell you from experience that freedom awaits, and deep and loving relationships are almost always waiting on the other side of a pretty tough confrontation. I have been the one speaking the truth in love, and I have been the receiver of such truth. I honestly don't know which is more difficult. But I can say that love has always reigned - every single time.

I love God's Word. It will sometimes stretch us, causing us to step away from what is comfortable and familiar. Being real, honest and true is a risk . . . putting your heart "out there" does not guarantee it won't get stomped on.

But a promise we can hold on to for dear life, is the fact that the One who created our heart is also the healer of such. Every time we find ourselves facing our fears, every confrontation - even with every stomp . . . we are always put back together by careful and loving hands.

Love overrides any kind of miscommunication. It squashes pride and tears down walls. Love builds bridges and infuses hope. And when it comes to the Goliath's s in relationships, a stone of humility can be a mighty force.

Because love conquers ALL.

Feelings

Somebody said something today that really hurt my feelings. It was said jokingly, but there was a part of me that wondered how much truth there really was to the cut.

I've spent the rest of the day trying to forget the offense, praying often by talking the whole thing over with God. I know that this person didn't intentionally hurt me - but it made me wonder if I am viewed a certain way now.

I know that I shouldn't let it bother me, and I have chosen to forgive this person and let it go. The Bible tells us that we are to overlook an offense, and no to be easily offended. I want to honor God in this, and I know that He is trying to teach me something through it.

Maybe I need to confront the person and just be honest about how it made me feel. The frightening part about this is that it would open me up for more ridicule - and frankly I just don't know if I could handle that.

There is something about this particular relationship that brings up so many of my insecurities from the past. Back when I was growing up, I chose to hang out with really mean friends. I don't know why - I guess I didn't think I was worth anything more. Sarcastic, condescending, rude and cutting remarks were a part of my daily routine. With every single one, I would feel squashed and a little bit less lovable.

It is funny how deep some of those wounds can be. Maybe God is wanting to heal this terrible hurt once and for all. Something tells me that in order to quiet all of those mocking voices (the ones in my head and the ones from other people), I am going to have to stand up to this giant.

The really difficult part about all of this, is that I begin believing those really rotten things about myself. It is in this place that suddenly I feel ugly, small and insignificant. These are lies I have believed about myself for so many years.

At the close of this day, I choose to pray for the person who hurt me. I am sure that this person carries around a set of hurts too. I will be honest when given the chance, no matter what the cost. I am going to trust that God will bring the good around - He always does.

In the meantime, I will curl up into the lap of the only One who can really see the motive and intent of my heart. I rest here, under safe shelter.

I pray, and I wait.

Prayer

There seems to be an ongoing theme in my life right now, a season of sorts if you will. Every time God wants to get my attention about something, he never hits me over the head with the concept. Instead, it is always a soft nudging, a gentle reminder that comes from all different directions.

I posted a while back about feeling lost . . . not really knowing what the next step should be. I have spent months wresting with needless anxiety, when all God has wanted me to do is to be still. With the embrace of this new awareness, I have stepped into the most abundant place of freedom and purpose. I understand my calling now more than ever. For this time, in this place - God is calling me to pray.

Like a rain shower, the revelation came to me several days ago. One confirmation after another broke through my calloused and troubled heart. Wanting answers to so many questions about myself and others, I decided to take a personality test. After spending a good fifteen minutes or so, INFJ is what came up, meaning Introvert, iNtuituve, Feeling and Judging. I began to read the description, and couldn't help but to talk back to the printed piece of paper.

"Yes, I do that! That is exactly how I would respond . . . or how I feel or the way that I behave! How could one test know so much about me?"

I took comfort in seeing my idiosyncrasies printed in black and white. Things about me that I had never been able to articulate before were held in my hand. It turns out that only 1% of the population has my personality type, which was another aha moment for me. It's no wonder I have a hard time understanding the behavior of other people, not to mention feeling very much misunderstood myself.

A big part of my personality talked about having a kind of discernment about things, without any outside knowledge of such. YES!!! I have that all the time. It talked about not really knowing how to explain what is known (still yes) . . . it talked about usually being right about what I am discerning. Yes again.

I always thought that it was the Holy Spirit giving me insight (and I still do), but it was neat to see that it is also a part of my make-up. God made me this way - for a reason. He doesn't want to torture me with drama, nor does He desire to see me tied in knots. The reason came flying in from every direction, leaving me no room for denial. I have come to realize, that I have been placed here, for such a time as this - for the sake of prayer.

I always thought that I would be a part of some really big ministry movement or something. I have dreams of writing books and speaking all over the country - but all of that fades behind the backdrop of this new calling. God gives me insight into things for the purpose of interceding. WOW. I consider this call far more important than any kind of a "name" I could make for myself. In fact, the thought of being known makes me feel sick inside. The closer I get to God, the less I want to be seen.

God has sent so many confirmations in my direction (including Michele's blog idea and Pastor Dave's sermon today). But my favorite came through my little Goldilocks Makayla moments after the revelation. She walked into my bedroom and handed me a bracelet that I had nearly forgotten about. It was a beautiful pewter bracelet given to me when I was in the hospital. Near the clasp, there is a heart-shaped box that you can open the lid to. It is a prayer box.

I almost made the mistake of chucking it in my jewelry box without a second look. When I received the bracelet all of those months ago, I was so weak and full of fatigue that it seemed bothersome. I didn't have enough energy to put it on, much less wear it around. When Makayla handed it to me some days ago, I almost took it with the same attitude.

"Oh, that thing." I thought. Until, I remembered what the heart shaped box symbolized. Prayer. In that very moment my calling had been confirmed. All of that anxiety that had me tied in knots for months had suddenly been lifted. I felt a renewed contentment about where I have been placed, and I felt so completely honored to be trusted with such. The torment in my soul has disappeared, and I know now, that my only move is to wait.

When I was given that bracelet back in the hospital, I wasn't really ready to receive it. It's been the same with prayer. God has been sending little indications here and there, but I haven't been ready to receive. Until now.

Prayer . . . keeping company with God. Yes, what could be more fitting for this soul? Nothing could bring more honor to the Father. This is why I was created! This is what I live for.

All of my hopes, and all of my dreams have been packaged into one quiet kneel. It is in this peaceful place that I find all that I've been searching for . . . my heart's desire - is Him.

Family Photo

Every year at about this time, I case the closets of our home trying to find five different outfits that all compliment one another. Now finding an exact match would be a stretch (unless I made an extra shopping trip), so I settled today for a combination that simply had the same color scheme.

This year, we all went with kind of a Christmas feel . . . to match Makayla's Christmas dress. It is a very fancy dress that her Nana bought her about a week or so ago. One morning, she insisted on wearing that thing out to run some errands. I figured, what the heck? Who is it hurting to let her parade around in this Chris Kringle type gown?

So when I made the announcement this morning, that Makayla would be wearing her dress for the picture, her eyes lit up. She was bubbling with excitement. Fussing with her hair was another story altogether. We started by getting it wet. This brings out her curls, so naturally I played with it to get it looking bouncy and full. Then I combed her bangs down a bit, and played with the top a little.

She was devastated. I wouldn't let her put one of those headband thingy's in (she calls it a lizzie). For the next ten minutes, she cried her eyes out. Mark and I stood firm, and told her she could go play after she was done throwing her fit. The fit didn't last very much longer. A half and hour later, after playing with her brother, she waltzed back into the bathroom saying that she liked her hair now. Women - who can figure them out?

Normally getting the family ready for our annual family photo is a stressful situation. While I am trying to get my hair to cooperate, there is so much more to consider (all of less importance of course) such as Mark's shirt to iron, making sure the kid's brush their teeth and of course my all time favorite - getting out the door on time. I even decided to give Ginger a bath for the occasion so that she could join us. She added a nice touch to the picture, being the furriest one in the bunch.

Things really went pretty smooth today. We didn't have to wait very long. The pictures looked good, and there wasn't a lot of tension. I wonder if it is because the kids are getting older, and they can pretty much get themselves ready. Maybe it has something to do with my own maturity. Through the years, I have learned to let a lot of things go. A hair out of place or a wrinkle in a shirt just doesn't bother me the way it used to.

Our family takes a portrait every year around the holidays. It is really a lot of fun to see how much the kids change. Mark and I aren't getting any older though . . . it's the strangest thing.

God has given me a lot to be thankful for. My family is the greatest blessing in my life. Every portrait - every snapshot . . . has been a picture of God's incredible grace.

Black Friday

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. I don't know what was more surprising for me . . . the fact that I got out of bed at 3:15am on purpose, or the fact that Kohl's had a line of people waiting to get in at 4am.

It was black as night as I jumped into Steph's Tahoe. I understand now why it is called Black Friday. Not a creature was stirring, and I wondered if my brain had any signs of such. Dressed for the snow, I sat eagerly with list in hand and elbows sharpened. I had no idea what I was getting into. But one thing for sure, I was ready for just about anything.

We arrived at Kohl's at 4am, and the doors were opened. I went straight for the items on my list, and I got every single one! Then I headed for the line, which seemed like about a quarter of a mile long. It felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, and my multiple layers made it feel like I was in a sauna. My arms ached with the load I was carrying. But I was determined. One inch at a time, and I finally made it to the check out.

At approximately 5am, we headed across the street to Target. I had to stop at McDonald's. My stomach, although it was not used to being awake that early, was confused and thought it was time to eat. I choked down an egg McMuffin and a hash brown (which was wonderful by the way) and proceeded to stand in line with the rest of the crazies.

Cold wind blew against my jacket, freezing all of the protruding parts of my body - which happened to be my nose. I had on flannel pants, Ug boots, long underwear, a heavy jacket, and a scarf. It may not have snowed after all, but standing in that line for 45 minutes it might has well have.

As the line began to move, I got a little bit nervous. I am not really much for crowds. By the time I got down to the electronic department, I found myself right smack in the middle of one. I managed to find the line, and pay for my items without too much bruising.

I was able to check off all of my Target items by now . . . score!! Stephanie's truck was getting pretty full, but we had quite a bit more to do. Off to Mervyn's, then Walgreen's and a peek at JC Penny's. Once we were packed to the gills, we headed up to Modesto to hit Toy's R Us. Boy, what a zoo.

There were a couple of electronic games I was after, and the line was unbelievable. You had to stand in line to even get into the department, and once inside, the line moved at a snail's pace. With sore arms and tired feet, I pressed on knowing the strain was worth it. I got some really great deals.

Amazingly, I have ALL of my Christmas shopping done, aside from stocking stuffers. Productivity is a big motivation for me, and although today was dangerous and a bit tiring, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I must go and rest my sore and aching muscles now. We are trimming our tree tonight, and I am so grateful that God has provided a few packages for us to tuck underneath.

Madness

I won't be writing much tonight, as I have to hit the sack early. Tomorrow morning, before it is really morning . . . I will be hitting the stores with the rest of the crazy people in the world.

It was a lot of fun looking through the sales ads today, writing out my shopping list. My sister-in-law has been at this for years, so she shared her strategy with me this afternoon. Personally I have never participated in such craziness before this, but I figure what the heck? Saving a penny or two can always get my blood a pumping.

It has been a most blessed day. Turkey up to my eyeballs, gravy poured over everything. A wonderful visit with the most important people in the world to me (minus a few).

At the close of this day, I send a prayerful thanks - and look forward to the shopping madness.

Gratitude

It is difficult for me to write about anything but what is on the forefront of my heart. Today, as I peel away the layers, I find an immeasurable amount of gratitude.

It was two years ago today that I was in bed, suffering a terrible stomach problem. Nausea, vomiting and unbearable pain wracked my frame. I thought it was food poisoning or maybe the touch of the flu. But I had been down for approximately three weeks, and I just wasn't getting any better.

As I munched on a saltine, I prayed that God would make me well enough to go to Nana's for Thanksgiving. I longed for a normal life, one where I could eat and not suffer. I remember tucking myself in extra early that day, so that I would have enough energy to travel over the river and through the woods.

The next day we arrived at Nana's house. The smell of turkey I had always remembered lingered. The same steam covered the windows of her little house. But sadly I was not the same. Carrying my bag of saltines, I attempted to participate by stirring the gravy. But the pain was almost unbearable.

It wasn't just the pain that was so difficult. It was the fact that I didn't know what was wrong with me, and it seemed like I was never going to get better. One day blended into the next until I just couldn't handle the pain a moment longer.

After trying to choke down a very small plate of Thanksgiving dinner, I proceeded to relax in the living room with everybody else - but my body was having a fit. Terrible pain continued all through the night, until Mark finally got me up at about 3am and proceeded to drive me back to Turlock for the emergency room. I cried all the way there, fearing what the hospital would mean. Needles . . . more pain. The thought was unbearable.

As the sun began to rise, Mark dropped me off and then left to take the kids to my in-laws. I sat there all by myself, feeling more alone than ever. I remember getting sympathy from some folks who were waiting to be seen. But their smiles couldn't even touch what I was facing.

Four days in the hospital, undergoing torturous tests and being starved, left the doctors with no answers. Since the pain was gone (because I hadn't eaten or drank anything in 48 hours), they decided to send me home.

Later on that night, after I had eaten again, the pain came back. This time much worse, and I knew that something was terrible wrong. It went from bad to worse, and the next morning I was back in the hospital. After a big protest against being sent home, I finally got an appointment with a specialist the next day. So again, I suffered through the night. The next morning, I was so sick I couldn't even walk into the doctor's office. I needed to be wheeled in. It took all of the strength I had to climb up on that examination table.

One look at me, and the doctor knew that I was in a world of trouble. Hours later, I was admitted into another hospital, where the real torture began. More tests and more doctors revealed the need for exploratory surgery.

It was one of the darkest nights of my life. They would be cutting me open the next day to try and figure out what was going on. A mass in my abdomen had everybody really worried. I cried like a little baby that night. I was terrified to be left alone. My sister stayed behind and talked to me until I fell asleep.

High doses of morphine and unspeakable pain followed the days after surgery. Edometreosis had caused a bowel obstruction. They ended up taking my appendix, one ovary and part of my bowel.

So this Thanksgiving, I need not the aroma of turkey nor a trip to the mall to make things extra special. The air in my lungs, and my healthy digestion brings a deep and lasting gratitude.

Now that I have shared one of my darkest hours with you, what has God brought you through? Was a physical ailment, or more of an emotional storm? Were you bedridden . . . heartbroken? I'd love to hear about it. Send me your story.

One thing I've learned through my experience, is that the darker the clouds, the more vibrant the color. Strangely, turkey isn't just turkey anymore. Every bite has become a feast - and every breath a gift.

Lost and Found

Tucked in the corner of our church's library stands a table of misplaced sweeties. Some are old and dusty. You can tell they've been around for quite a while. They have notes scribbled in, and pages all wrinkled and torn. Then there are the youngin's, all shiny and new with a name engraved in gold.

Then there are all of the ones in between, the student editions, the King James and study mix all sandwiched together in one pathetic line. The larger ones tower over the pint size, but all are equally as important - and were at one time treasured by somebody.

I speak today of our lost and found table which is full of misplaced Bibles. Having lost my own Bible last week, my heart aches with the sight of them. I know that somebody, somewhere must be missing these little beauties. I wonder if they feel as lost as I do.

We have had several people call withing the past week or two, saying that they have lost their Bible. It must be an epidemic or something . . . maybe there is some kind of a Bible caper out there, scoffing up the Word. But I keep thinking that if somebody found my Bible, surely they would want to return it. In the same way, I think about the table sitting in our library. Surely these Bibles belong to somebody - why are they all still abandoned?

Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If I am missing my Bible, and these all need homes then I should adopt one. But I don't think I could really bring myself to do it. I mean to use somebody else's Bible would be like brushing my teeth with a used toothbrush. There is something so intimate about a person's Bible, don't you think? I know that I wouldn't want the person who found mine precious Bible to go fondling through the pages. Those notes were private, between me and the Lord. I would never want to violate somebody's privacy.

I liken this whole scenario to the world's hunger problem (although I know that is a stretch). We do what we can by feeding one child at a time, but what about the millions who go to bed starving every night? It is kind of the same with these Bibles. I look at that table and think, what a waste! These treasures are just sitting on the shelf of life, waiting to be reclaimed. How could I even scratch the surface of a problem this large?

Sitting on a lost and found table or not, I think the Bible gets a great deal of neglect. I am sure that in our home we have at least a dozen, maybe more laying around. What about people in other countries, or even in our own city who have never seen or heard about the Word of God? Just like with food, we could make a difference . . . one Bible at a time.

I am going to pray over that table of Bibles tomorrow. Maybe there is something special God would have me do with that bunch. Putting them into the hand of someone who is starving for a little bit of hope would be a good way to start scratching that surface.

Brownies

When I got home from work this afternoon, I decided to make a pan of brownies. This was to override another pan that was made last week. See, Mark didn't realize it, but the wrong mix was purchased - leaving an aftertaste in my mouth, and a heaviness in my heart.

I have to admit, I am a very thrifty kind of a shopper. I will either buy the generic brand of something, or whatever is on sale. Aside from a few irresponsible purchases here and there, I guess you could say that I am frugal. But every once in a while, I will splurge on something a little bit more expensive if the generic brand just doesn't cut it. Brownies are a great example.

Being a creature of habit, years ago I was stuck in a rut of buying . . . let's call it the red box of brownie mix. It was all that my Mom had ever bought, so naturally when I grew up and started my own love affair with the red box.

But then one day, I was introduced to the blue box. Richer, moister, chocolaty-er (I know, that isn't really a word) . . . I could hardly believe my mouth. I had to find out which mix this was, and if it was a homemade batch I simply had to have the recipe. When I discovered that it was merely the difference between red and blue, I became puzzled. How could there be that much of a difference? Oh believe you me - there is.

So when I went to the grocery store this weekend, I bought two boxes of blue, which happened to be on sale. It was my way of trumping that red box for good. I shared with my beloved spouse the difference, so I can be pretty sure from now on we won't run into such disgrace.

As I sit and type, my house doesn't just smell like freshly baked brownies, but instead more like a chocolate mountain exploded. I can't wait to dive in after dinner.

I know that tying every little thing to some kind of a spiritual lesson can be viewed by some as over the top, but I love the challenge of trying. Remember now, the red box was generic, cheap and less than a brownie's best. How many other places in my life do I settle for red? Is it because I am stuck in routine? Have I settled for what the generation before has passed down? Maybe I don't even know any different.

The role our friends play along this journey called life is indispensable. Just like all of those years ago, I needed somebody to teach me about the blue box. I was in the dark, putting up with nasty tasting brownies . . . all for what?

In the same way, I need my friends to point out lots of other things that I could never see otherwise. It may be that I am really gullible in one place, or needing to watch my words in another. True friends speak the truth in love. I have a few of these treasured friendships in my life, and they top any brownie - even the ones coated with powdered sugar.

So what about you? Have you discovered the best treat in the world, our precious Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ? What are you waiting for? Don't get too caught up in red or blue, He doesn't ever expect a perfected exterior. God is far more concerned with what's inside that box.

If you already know the sweetness of the Spirit's aroma, then take a chance and share the Good News with somebody. You never know . . . you just might be saving a precious soul from the terrible aftertaste of sin.

Victory

It has been a victorious day. The Dominators won today's game, which means we take first place!! This is big news in the Reese home.

I wrestled back and forth last night about whether or not I should be at Michael's game this morning. It was either church, or Michael's game. With a meeting scheduled for second service, I opted to go to first and miss Mikey's game.

The whole thing felt all wrong. I've been trying to think of ways to connect with Michael, as he his going through a phase where he doesn't want to be seen with me - I embarrass him. Yes, he is only eight.

It was a quarter to nine . . . okay, honestly it was about two minutes to nine as I drove towards the church. I was dressed in my Sunday best, driving only half of my family to the morning's service. Makayla and Matthew proceeded to head to their classes, and all alone, I took my place in the pew. (I know we don't have pews, but it sounded good.)

My focus went from the empty seat beside me, on to the goodness of our God. Tuning everything out, I could hear God remind me of priorities . . . God, family - then ministry. When the last worship song ended, I knew that I had to go. I just couldn't bear to miss Michael's championship game.

Although I think it is important to put church before other activities, this was no regular Sunday morning. Today it was more about whether or not I would put my own convenience aside for the sake of my son. I never want my children to think that ministry is more important to me than they are. This was God's way of giving me the chance to put feet to my convictions.

When I arrived at the soccer field they were really running behind. Ironic as it is, I never even got to see my big guy play. I did decide to keep my meeting commitment, so at 10:30 had to head on back to the church. I sent a very discreet wave in his direction, letting him know that he was tops in my heart. Even though I didn't get to stay for the whole thing, I am hoping my appearance meant something.

I think a lot of times winning doesn't look the way we expect it to. If I had been stuck in a legalistic rut, I would have felt very guilty about stepping away from the church service this morning. But interestingly enough, God had church prepared for me on the soccer field.

Some folks might argue that God would never call somebody out of church for the day. But voice I heard - the God I know, and love, and serve . . . values relationships above all.

Championship

Today was a big day for two of my soccer boys. I speak of Mikey and his position on The Dominators (although I have no clue what position he plays) . . . and his dear ol' dad Mark who happens to be their coach.

The soccer season is really over for most folks - that is unless you make it to the jamboree. Our team has done really well this year. We only suffered one loss all season. I am so proud of those kids. They really gave it the best they had every single game.

Let me give you a little bit more detail as to why today's game was so big. At 2pm on the nose, we faced our arch rivals . . . which also happens to be the only team we lost to this season. There is a little bit of history that lends to the competitive spirit we have with this particular team. Without going into too much detail, I will say that today's game (in Mark's eyes) had potential to really make or break our whole season.

Mark has been so good with the kids. Coaching kids in sports is really his niche - his ministry. While he is very competitive by nature, he never yells at the kids or makes them feel bad about making a mistake. He sends them out with words of encouragement, always trying to build them up. But the way he paced that painted on the grass line today, you would have though he was coaching the Dallas Cowboys or something. The pressure was on. With white knuckles and probably some pretty big butterflies in his stomach, my husband carried the pressure with grace.

Close to half time, our team scored the first goal. You should have heard the shrieking . . . we were so excited. But moments later I saw Mark shake his head, and drop his shoulders. Come to find out, there was some kind of a penalty involved so they didn't count the goal. Arugh! I watched Mark. He didn't get upset, even though it was a very upsetting call. He chose to keep his cool and stay focused.

Into the second half, the other team scored a goal on us. The turn of events was torture. One of the mom's sitting next to me had to turn around, she just couldn't watch. It was the kind of game that was impossible to sit down through.

Then in happened. The ball was passed to Chandler, and then on to Fernando - and we scored! I saw my husband practically jump out of his skin. I can't remember being that excited over a goal that was not kicked by my own kid.

I'm very happy to report that the game ended in a tie. This was a perfect ending to a great game. This way neither team had to feel bad. I appreciated God's answer to my prayer. We have one more game tomorrow morning, and if we win, then our Dominators will take first place.

I watched something miraculous take place during this season. While this other team had become our enemies through a circumstance or two, I saw Mark turn the other cheek and give them the benefit of the doubt. There was a friendliness out there on that field today - a recognition of different personalities which brought team spirit together, right on to center field.

A coach that seemed really obnoxious before, became simply a great guy who was just really competitive. I began to appreciate the fact that God made him that way - and that God was rooting just as much for their team as he was for ours.

The soccer field carries with it many of life's valuable lessons. Winning really isn't everything. It would have seemed nice to get back at our so called enemies. But I have come to find that it is strength of character and team spirit that carries the only true and lasting trophy.