What to write about today, let's see . . . what about rocks?
I know that I've written about a bag of giant killing stones - but rocks are quite different. While a stone is something you can throw, rocks are more stagnant. They are heavier and can even be considered immovable. Okay, I guess I'm not fooling you or myself. Rocks and stones are pretty much the same thing. At least I think they are . . .
But not rocks with faces drawn on them. They are in a class all by themselves. While we were visiting with my Mom earlier this week, my kids managed to collect a handful of some rocks from her yard. I came in one afternoon after being gone for a walk and Makayla's hands were all blue. Michael had blue fingertips. I knew something was up.
"What are you guys doing?" I asked, afraid to get an answer.
"Look Mom! We are making rock people."
A row of rocks lined my Mom's kitchen table. There were round ones and square shaped ones, smooth rocks and ragged ones, gray ones and white ones. Each stone had a face, and a personality to boot.
"We are playing rocks Mom! Wanna play?"
I wish I had taken them up on the offer, but at the time I was looking to get a glass of water. It was more fun watching anyway. I stood in awe of their wonder and fascination with nature. They played with those rocks for hours.
When it was time to head back to Turlock, I offered each of them a zip lock bag with which to transport their new friends. Micheal even picked out the one he thought looked most like him. Personally, I thought it favored Mark more - but I didn't say so. (You know I'm kidding honey.)
With or without blue faces, "even the rocks will cry out". I found such delight in watching my kids that lazy afternoon.
What delight God has in watching us - as we live out our imagination.
Saturday, July 21
Friday, July 20
Small Stuff
I decided to sleep in this morning. It was wonderful. I don't usually like to sleep in, because it gives me a headache and takes up way to much of my morning. But once in a while I will allow myself the indulgence. With mornings like today, I think I could get used to being lazy. I have no headache today.
As I rested there, pondering the mess of dreams I had the night before, I began to pray. I thanked God for the tree outside my window, for the comfort of my bed, for the voices in the other room. One of those voices made her way into my room and cuddled in next to me. The first words I heard this morning were words of wisdom from a blond head of curls.
"Mommy" she said. "Things that are big to us are small to God, and things that are small to us are big to God."
Okay, that is probably enough to write a whole book about. I made a mental note to ponder that when I felt more awake. God was speaking to me through the random thoughts of my five year old daughter. So often He will get my attention this way. The trick is, to be listening.
"Things that are big to us are small to God." What is big to me that is small to God? Here is a list of some of mine: things I worry about, giants I face, mountains I have yet to climb, and the list could go on. To be more specific I will say: circumstances out of MY control, fear lurking around every corner, steps into an unknown future - these are all biggies for me. But from God's perspective (the eternal perspective), they are but a breath and a shadow. God knows that what I worry about today will disappear tomorrow. Every snarling giant only gives me the opportunity to grow in courage. And the uncertainty of my future? This is where I have the chance to trust the God who holds it.
"Things that are small to us are big to God." This will be a fun one. What is small to me that is big to God? What about kisses and giggles, long walks and ice cream sandwiches? I think about all of the little blessings that I take for granted. They are marks of His love and grace. Then I think about the random acts of kindness that don't really seem to make any difference. A kind word, a smile or the choice to forgive AGAIN. Every choice I make to bless and not to curse alters the course of history. What we consider to be the small stuff are really the biggies.
So what about you? What GIGANTIC thing looms over your head? Take comfort in the fact that it's all small stuff for the Big Guy. And what about little things? What beauty is made too small due to a numb or busy heart?
Like the saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff." And I'd like to add this . . .
As I rested there, pondering the mess of dreams I had the night before, I began to pray. I thanked God for the tree outside my window, for the comfort of my bed, for the voices in the other room. One of those voices made her way into my room and cuddled in next to me. The first words I heard this morning were words of wisdom from a blond head of curls.
"Mommy" she said. "Things that are big to us are small to God, and things that are small to us are big to God."
Okay, that is probably enough to write a whole book about. I made a mental note to ponder that when I felt more awake. God was speaking to me through the random thoughts of my five year old daughter. So often He will get my attention this way. The trick is, to be listening.
"Things that are big to us are small to God." What is big to me that is small to God? Here is a list of some of mine: things I worry about, giants I face, mountains I have yet to climb, and the list could go on. To be more specific I will say: circumstances out of MY control, fear lurking around every corner, steps into an unknown future - these are all biggies for me. But from God's perspective (the eternal perspective), they are but a breath and a shadow. God knows that what I worry about today will disappear tomorrow. Every snarling giant only gives me the opportunity to grow in courage. And the uncertainty of my future? This is where I have the chance to trust the God who holds it.
"Things that are small to us are big to God." This will be a fun one. What is small to me that is big to God? What about kisses and giggles, long walks and ice cream sandwiches? I think about all of the little blessings that I take for granted. They are marks of His love and grace. Then I think about the random acts of kindness that don't really seem to make any difference. A kind word, a smile or the choice to forgive AGAIN. Every choice I make to bless and not to curse alters the course of history. What we consider to be the small stuff are really the biggies.
So what about you? What GIGANTIC thing looms over your head? Take comfort in the fact that it's all small stuff for the Big Guy. And what about little things? What beauty is made too small due to a numb or busy heart?
Like the saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff." And I'd like to add this . . .
"DON'T MISS IT either."
Thursday, July 19
Phone Interview
I had my first phone interview this morning . . . talk about feeling rusty. I haven't interviewed since 1992! It was terribly unnerving. I'm not too crazy about this whole job search thing. It is so ambiguous, with too much of a focus on me. People want to know what I have to offer, and on paper there is not much to say. Everything worth anything I have to offer is what Jesus Christ has done through me. The miraculous working grace of Jesus in my life, well that is something I like to talk about. Did I really dare to try and articulate something like that?
The phone rang, and my whole body tightened. It would certainly be him - the man who called yesterday to schedule the interview. What would he ask me? Should I try and sound skillful, humble - or shoot for just being myself? That might end up ruining everything, but at least I wouldn't be selling out. Being true to myself and to God is what gets me into God's door.
As the interview went on, my eyes scanned a list of questions that I was prepared to answer. Things like why I was applying for this position, my strengths and weaknesses, and the one I gulped at was, "Tell me about yourself". No, ask me anything but that one.
Then in happened. Of the five or six questions he asked, the "Tell me about yourself" one came at the end. As it fell off his lips I drew in a deep breath, closed my eyes and began to speak. I talked about my kids and family life, about my heart for ministry - and then I took the plunge. "Something interesting about me is that I am a direct manifestation of God's grace. There is nothing convincing me that I am qualified or able to perform the tasks He calls me to, but over and over again God proves Himself faithful."
There, I said it. I don't know how it came out at all, but I said it. I am a walking miracle, a rescued wretch, His humble servant. That is all anybody really needs to know about "who I am".
I hung up wondering if a second call will come. I knew that I was taking a chance being THAT honest, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to give God the credit. He is the reason I am even being considered for this noble position.
Come to think of it, He is the reason for my next breath.
The phone rang, and my whole body tightened. It would certainly be him - the man who called yesterday to schedule the interview. What would he ask me? Should I try and sound skillful, humble - or shoot for just being myself? That might end up ruining everything, but at least I wouldn't be selling out. Being true to myself and to God is what gets me into God's door.
As the interview went on, my eyes scanned a list of questions that I was prepared to answer. Things like why I was applying for this position, my strengths and weaknesses, and the one I gulped at was, "Tell me about yourself". No, ask me anything but that one.
Then in happened. Of the five or six questions he asked, the "Tell me about yourself" one came at the end. As it fell off his lips I drew in a deep breath, closed my eyes and began to speak. I talked about my kids and family life, about my heart for ministry - and then I took the plunge. "Something interesting about me is that I am a direct manifestation of God's grace. There is nothing convincing me that I am qualified or able to perform the tasks He calls me to, but over and over again God proves Himself faithful."
There, I said it. I don't know how it came out at all, but I said it. I am a walking miracle, a rescued wretch, His humble servant. That is all anybody really needs to know about "who I am".
I hung up wondering if a second call will come. I knew that I was taking a chance being THAT honest, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to give God the credit. He is the reason I am even being considered for this noble position.
Come to think of it, He is the reason for my next breath.
Wednesday, July 18
A Little Rusty
My visit with my Mom has come to an end. We had a wonderful time. Let's see, there was the trip to the Morgan Hill Aquatic Park on Monday, a visit to the Gilroy house on Tuesday (to water the grass), chicken and dumplings last night and a visit to see some dear friends - Lowell, Bonnie and Stacey. We took some amazing nature walks near a creek that lines my Mom's property, and I had an ample amount of time to read and ponder. It has been a blessed visit.
But more than the elements we collected on our walks, and the rich memories - I will be heading home with a new perspective and a redeemed mission. The priorities I listed the other day are whispering at me through a scarlet chord that adorns my wrist. Oh how wonderful those visual reminders are.
What I failed to mention the other day, is that the priorities God has put in place for me are far from mastered. In fact, I dare admit that some of those things listed are not regular practices for me. Not yet anyway. In other words, when I said I've got some work to do, I was serious.
Several of the duties listed have become habits in my life (by the grace of God). But the ones that have to do with my interaction with people, well, those are a little rusty. It would be fitting to pray that God would administer the anointing "oil" of the Holy Spirit in these cracked crevices. The Lord knows that I cannot achieve His standard without His intervention.
I smile inside with the thought of working on these things together with the God who issued them. He loves me too much to leave me as I am. My Purpose Driven Life flip calender has been talking lately about how God wants to mold and shape me into the image of His Son. Today's entry said this:
God uses his Word, people, and circumstances to mold us. All three are indispensable for character development. God's Word provides the truth we need to grow, God's people provide the support (and testing) we need to grow, and circumstances provide the environment we need to practice Christlikness.
Amen to that. God has provided me with a pretty serious training ground. How about you? Who can you love a little bit better today? If you find yourself falling down more times than you succeed, you are in good company. Don't give up, just look up. I've been thinking on our memory verse from Impact training.
Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You." ~ Jeremiah 32:17
As I make my way back over the river and through the woods, I am going to try and let God love through me. God's Word says that His power is made perfect in all of those places where I feel rusty and weak.
But more than the elements we collected on our walks, and the rich memories - I will be heading home with a new perspective and a redeemed mission. The priorities I listed the other day are whispering at me through a scarlet chord that adorns my wrist. Oh how wonderful those visual reminders are.
What I failed to mention the other day, is that the priorities God has put in place for me are far from mastered. In fact, I dare admit that some of those things listed are not regular practices for me. Not yet anyway. In other words, when I said I've got some work to do, I was serious.
Several of the duties listed have become habits in my life (by the grace of God). But the ones that have to do with my interaction with people, well, those are a little rusty. It would be fitting to pray that God would administer the anointing "oil" of the Holy Spirit in these cracked crevices. The Lord knows that I cannot achieve His standard without His intervention.
I smile inside with the thought of working on these things together with the God who issued them. He loves me too much to leave me as I am. My Purpose Driven Life flip calender has been talking lately about how God wants to mold and shape me into the image of His Son. Today's entry said this:
God uses his Word, people, and circumstances to mold us. All three are indispensable for character development. God's Word provides the truth we need to grow, God's people provide the support (and testing) we need to grow, and circumstances provide the environment we need to practice Christlikness.
Amen to that. God has provided me with a pretty serious training ground. How about you? Who can you love a little bit better today? If you find yourself falling down more times than you succeed, you are in good company. Don't give up, just look up. I've been thinking on our memory verse from Impact training.
Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You." ~ Jeremiah 32:17
As I make my way back over the river and through the woods, I am going to try and let God love through me. God's Word says that His power is made perfect in all of those places where I feel rusty and weak.
Tuesday, July 17
Reinforcement
I've been thinking a lot about last Sunday's message. It was a real treat. Pastor Mike Heiniger was visiting our church, and he shared the story of Rahab with us. I always love a story with a hero - especially a hero is who is the most unlikely candidate. What can I say? I tend to root for the underdog. I like to think that God does too.
During his sermon, Mike encouraged us to let go of the past and embrace the future. We are not to depend on our own abilities, but to lean on God's strength. He also challenged us to make choices based on eternal unseen truth instead of temporary visible lies.
Boy, that last point really hit a cord with me . . . hold on to truth and let go of lies? At the end of the service, we were given the chance to take a scarlet "chord" with us, as a reminder of choosing to walk by faith.
Mark and I tied ours around our wrists right away, and I have to tell you that mine has fallen off about a dozen times. I lost it twice, once in the parking lot and the other time in the bathroom. Every time I found it off of my wrist, I panicked.
I tend to be kind of a slow learner. Any kind of visual aid is very helpful for me, so this red threat was meaningful. Especially since it had to do with a truth that God is trying to reinforce in my life. I'd like to keep this red thread on for a while, at least until I can remember without the reminder. Is anybody with me?
So for a little reinforcement today, I grabbed a needle and thread and began sewing the knot into place. That should do it. Now it won't come undone and escape. Then I took it a step further, and cut and burned both ends. One end was starting to fray, and I just couldn't have the thing looking untidy. Now I know that even my fair to middle sewing skills won't make it full proof - but that really is knot the point.
This whole ordeal got me thinking about how fragile a new truth can sometimes be. God will have the most incredible precept presented at the table for my taking. It will always grab my attention, and inevitably it captures my heart. It is beautiful to look at - radiant really. So in faith, I will take a step toward the table I and nonchalantly tie it around my heart.
Then life butts it. Sleeves from a sweater, hand washing, food preparation, bed making - should I go on? And somehow the new truth I was treasuring falls off or becomes easily frayed. So how can I reinforce something that God wants me to hold on to for more than ten minutes?
I thought about the needle and thread. The red thread had to pass through the needle. In the same way, I must squeeze myself through unbelief and complacency. Then a knot is tied at the end. My "nots" can go something like this. I will "not" allow that thought to take root. I will "not" doubt God's love for me. I will "not" allow the words and actions of others to dictate my worth.
Then comes the threading. The Holy Spirit has to pass in and out of my "nots" to keep them securely fastened. Then at last, the cutting and the burning. My frayed emotions and tattered intentions simply have to go. A couple of snips, and the fire of trial seals the deal.
My crimson reminder now rests firmly on my left wrist. And with the reinforcement of all of heaven, God's wonderful promise will last much longer than this flimsy piece of material.
During his sermon, Mike encouraged us to let go of the past and embrace the future. We are not to depend on our own abilities, but to lean on God's strength. He also challenged us to make choices based on eternal unseen truth instead of temporary visible lies.
Boy, that last point really hit a cord with me . . . hold on to truth and let go of lies? At the end of the service, we were given the chance to take a scarlet "chord" with us, as a reminder of choosing to walk by faith.
Mark and I tied ours around our wrists right away, and I have to tell you that mine has fallen off about a dozen times. I lost it twice, once in the parking lot and the other time in the bathroom. Every time I found it off of my wrist, I panicked.
I tend to be kind of a slow learner. Any kind of visual aid is very helpful for me, so this red threat was meaningful. Especially since it had to do with a truth that God is trying to reinforce in my life. I'd like to keep this red thread on for a while, at least until I can remember without the reminder. Is anybody with me?
So for a little reinforcement today, I grabbed a needle and thread and began sewing the knot into place. That should do it. Now it won't come undone and escape. Then I took it a step further, and cut and burned both ends. One end was starting to fray, and I just couldn't have the thing looking untidy. Now I know that even my fair to middle sewing skills won't make it full proof - but that really is knot the point.
This whole ordeal got me thinking about how fragile a new truth can sometimes be. God will have the most incredible precept presented at the table for my taking. It will always grab my attention, and inevitably it captures my heart. It is beautiful to look at - radiant really. So in faith, I will take a step toward the table I and nonchalantly tie it around my heart.
Then life butts it. Sleeves from a sweater, hand washing, food preparation, bed making - should I go on? And somehow the new truth I was treasuring falls off or becomes easily frayed. So how can I reinforce something that God wants me to hold on to for more than ten minutes?
I thought about the needle and thread. The red thread had to pass through the needle. In the same way, I must squeeze myself through unbelief and complacency. Then a knot is tied at the end. My "nots" can go something like this. I will "not" allow that thought to take root. I will "not" doubt God's love for me. I will "not" allow the words and actions of others to dictate my worth.
Then comes the threading. The Holy Spirit has to pass in and out of my "nots" to keep them securely fastened. Then at last, the cutting and the burning. My frayed emotions and tattered intentions simply have to go. A couple of snips, and the fire of trial seals the deal.
My crimson reminder now rests firmly on my left wrist. And with the reinforcement of all of heaven, God's wonderful promise will last much longer than this flimsy piece of material.
Monday, July 16
Know Your Role - Guard Your Time
I like to take time away now and then for quiet reflection and prayer. It is usually when I am feeling off kilter a bit or if I am looking into a new season. It always requires an honest look within. Every venture in this direction proves to be a reevaluation of my priorities. God always wants to make sure that Jesus is dead center.
This July like many others, I look ahead to a new season - that of Fall. The Lord has so graciously placed me in a position of influence, and my desire is that He be glorified as I wrestle and stumble through. I've decided to delve into a favorite book of mine during my visit with my Mom. As I sat on my favorite couch last night, after everyone had gone to bed, I dithered for a while trying to decide which book to pick up. I brought a good list of books to choose from. There was discipleship material, Christian fiction, guitar prose . . . but my heart was drawn to a nobler pursuit. I wanted to feel close to God in that moment, which for me means it's time for some character building.
I would recommend the following book to anybody who desires to emulate a close walking relationship with Christ. The word "leadership" adorns the cover, but don't let that fool you. This masterpiece prepares any heart for the upward call of loving God and others. It is called "Spiritual Leadership" by J. Oswald Sanders. If you decide to give it a look, proceed with caution. This book will not leave you unchanged.
So what did God teach me in the two chapters I was able to get through before dozing off last night? I'll tell you, it was a big enough lesson to last me a lifetime. It is something He keeps whispering to me over and over again. I just cannot seem to escape this vision.
I started listing my priorities, God, Mark, kids, extended family, friends, work/ministry. I wrote down ways that I will put these priorities into practice - and they all had one common denominator. LOVE . . . How will I truly love God, Mark, the kids, my family and friends, and those I serve next to in the ministry? God made it very clear to me that HIS priority is love.
To share this stuff feels extremely risky. This is private. But I will pour myself out like a drink offering, with hopes to encourage all of you to sit down and ask God how you should be living your life. Here are the parameters He has given me . . .
God - pray continuously, quiet time each morning, blog - cultivating awareness, Bible study and writing, worship with my guitar
Mark - pray for, kind in the morning (I can be grumpy at times), mid-day contact (lunch or a phone call), make dinner without complaining and quality time in the evening
Kids - pray for, do something with each of them every day (conversation, read, play, etc.), stop and really listen to them and tend to their needs with love and patience
Family - pray for, regular contact with (write on calender), forgive and add value to them
Friends - pray for, go out on dates with, send notes of love and encouragement
Work/Ministry - pray for, know my purpose and stay focused, pour into my team individually and corporately, attend to WM requirements, live God's priorities for ministry
Well, those are the instructions I've been given. Looks like I've got some work to do, and some boundaries to set. What about you? What is God's purpose for your life? I am not looking for a general statement, but a very personal and thought out answer. You don't need to give me your answer. That is between you and the Lord.
I heard recently that if you aim at nothing, you are bound to get there. What would God have you aim at? Who will you bring with you?
I encourage you to know what your role is and guard the precious gift of time you have been given. You are here for a reason. Know what that is, and spend every waking moment living out His priorities for your life.
This July like many others, I look ahead to a new season - that of Fall. The Lord has so graciously placed me in a position of influence, and my desire is that He be glorified as I wrestle and stumble through. I've decided to delve into a favorite book of mine during my visit with my Mom. As I sat on my favorite couch last night, after everyone had gone to bed, I dithered for a while trying to decide which book to pick up. I brought a good list of books to choose from. There was discipleship material, Christian fiction, guitar prose . . . but my heart was drawn to a nobler pursuit. I wanted to feel close to God in that moment, which for me means it's time for some character building.
I would recommend the following book to anybody who desires to emulate a close walking relationship with Christ. The word "leadership" adorns the cover, but don't let that fool you. This masterpiece prepares any heart for the upward call of loving God and others. It is called "Spiritual Leadership" by J. Oswald Sanders. If you decide to give it a look, proceed with caution. This book will not leave you unchanged.
So what did God teach me in the two chapters I was able to get through before dozing off last night? I'll tell you, it was a big enough lesson to last me a lifetime. It is something He keeps whispering to me over and over again. I just cannot seem to escape this vision.
I started listing my priorities, God, Mark, kids, extended family, friends, work/ministry. I wrote down ways that I will put these priorities into practice - and they all had one common denominator. LOVE . . . How will I truly love God, Mark, the kids, my family and friends, and those I serve next to in the ministry? God made it very clear to me that HIS priority is love.
To share this stuff feels extremely risky. This is private. But I will pour myself out like a drink offering, with hopes to encourage all of you to sit down and ask God how you should be living your life. Here are the parameters He has given me . . .
God - pray continuously, quiet time each morning, blog - cultivating awareness, Bible study and writing, worship with my guitar
Mark - pray for, kind in the morning (I can be grumpy at times), mid-day contact (lunch or a phone call), make dinner without complaining and quality time in the evening
Kids - pray for, do something with each of them every day (conversation, read, play, etc.), stop and really listen to them and tend to their needs with love and patience
Family - pray for, regular contact with (write on calender), forgive and add value to them
Friends - pray for, go out on dates with, send notes of love and encouragement
Work/Ministry - pray for, know my purpose and stay focused, pour into my team individually and corporately, attend to WM requirements, live God's priorities for ministry
Well, those are the instructions I've been given. Looks like I've got some work to do, and some boundaries to set. What about you? What is God's purpose for your life? I am not looking for a general statement, but a very personal and thought out answer. You don't need to give me your answer. That is between you and the Lord.
I heard recently that if you aim at nothing, you are bound to get there. What would God have you aim at? Who will you bring with you?
I encourage you to know what your role is and guard the precious gift of time you have been given. You are here for a reason. Know what that is, and spend every waking moment living out His priorities for your life.
Sunday, July 15
Over The River
I plan on piling up my crew for a trip to Grandma's House this afternoon. I love visiting with my Mom.
I want to share with you why I look so forward to this trip. Aside from missing my Mom, wanting some time away and liking long drives - there is something miraculous that God has done in our family. It would take hours to explain everything, so I'll just share a little bit of the miracle today.
This past December my parents had decided that it was time to sell their house. This was the house I grew up in, and I couldn't bear the thought. There were millions of memories attached to that house. From afternoons on the swing set, to Christmas mornings near the fireplace, to my Dad's workshop in the garage . . . the smells, the noises - God was asking me to let it all go. In case you haven't already noticed, I am very sentimental. A move like this seemed absolutely unthinkable. My Mom's couch was the one place I could go to retreat, and just be myself. How could God let that be disappear?
The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I realize that He likes to remove anything in our lives that we depend too heavily on apart from Him. During that cold and dark winter, God was teaching me that He needed to become that comfy couch, and that He held all of my memories from childhood - not some structure made of wood and paint.
I can honestly say that through the packing and moving I felt an immeasurable amount of peace. Oh sure, there were days when my heart felt broken but the peace was a constant. And today I can tell you that there is NO pain when I think about our house being empty and up for sale. That is nothing short of a miracle.
On that very surprising December afternoon, we finished up some last minute touches in the old Gilroy house, and I took my last look around. It was my last peek in, not until the next visit - but for good. I wanted to linger there for hours.
I finally pulled myself away, and I drove to my Mom's new place feeling empty and broken. A place of safety and refuge had been tore down to the ground. God's arms had become my only place of refuge.
It took about ten minutes to drive into Morgan Hill. I quietly pulled in and parked in front of her new house. I tried to put on a smile, but inside I felt lost. In that moment, God ministered to me in the most amazing way. As I opened up the door and stepped into my Mom's new living room - I was astonished. The furniture, the pictures the knickknacks and blanket throws . . . they were all there. Even the smell had somehow transferred. My Mom's chicken and dumplings simmered on the stove, and my favorite couch sat immovable under the front window. I WAS HOME.
I have felt nothing but comfort and peace in my Mom's new place since. God is there nurturing, watching and caring for my Mom and her dog Katie. My Mom doesn't live alone anymore in a house that stirs up pain and regret. Our old house held a lot of good memories, but the painful ones kept us all from being able to really move on.
These days my Mom lives free, sharing space with a King. My visits nowadays are filled with awe and wonder of what Jesus has done.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ~ Isaiah 43:2
Through that season, God carried me over a river of despair.
I want to share with you why I look so forward to this trip. Aside from missing my Mom, wanting some time away and liking long drives - there is something miraculous that God has done in our family. It would take hours to explain everything, so I'll just share a little bit of the miracle today.
This past December my parents had decided that it was time to sell their house. This was the house I grew up in, and I couldn't bear the thought. There were millions of memories attached to that house. From afternoons on the swing set, to Christmas mornings near the fireplace, to my Dad's workshop in the garage . . . the smells, the noises - God was asking me to let it all go. In case you haven't already noticed, I am very sentimental. A move like this seemed absolutely unthinkable. My Mom's couch was the one place I could go to retreat, and just be myself. How could God let that be disappear?
The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I realize that He likes to remove anything in our lives that we depend too heavily on apart from Him. During that cold and dark winter, God was teaching me that He needed to become that comfy couch, and that He held all of my memories from childhood - not some structure made of wood and paint.
I can honestly say that through the packing and moving I felt an immeasurable amount of peace. Oh sure, there were days when my heart felt broken but the peace was a constant. And today I can tell you that there is NO pain when I think about our house being empty and up for sale. That is nothing short of a miracle.
On that very surprising December afternoon, we finished up some last minute touches in the old Gilroy house, and I took my last look around. It was my last peek in, not until the next visit - but for good. I wanted to linger there for hours.
I finally pulled myself away, and I drove to my Mom's new place feeling empty and broken. A place of safety and refuge had been tore down to the ground. God's arms had become my only place of refuge.
It took about ten minutes to drive into Morgan Hill. I quietly pulled in and parked in front of her new house. I tried to put on a smile, but inside I felt lost. In that moment, God ministered to me in the most amazing way. As I opened up the door and stepped into my Mom's new living room - I was astonished. The furniture, the pictures the knickknacks and blanket throws . . . they were all there. Even the smell had somehow transferred. My Mom's chicken and dumplings simmered on the stove, and my favorite couch sat immovable under the front window. I WAS HOME.
I have felt nothing but comfort and peace in my Mom's new place since. God is there nurturing, watching and caring for my Mom and her dog Katie. My Mom doesn't live alone anymore in a house that stirs up pain and regret. Our old house held a lot of good memories, but the painful ones kept us all from being able to really move on.
These days my Mom lives free, sharing space with a King. My visits nowadays are filled with awe and wonder of what Jesus has done.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ~ Isaiah 43:2
Through that season, God carried me over a river of despair.
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