Resemble

Bit by bit, God is healing this heart. Strangled by years of insecurity and fear, I am beginning to recognize my own voice again -- for the first time in probably thirty years. I've learned to silence her so well, that I've forgotten what she sounds like. How wonderfully it feels to be free.

Looking back to my younger years, before I committed my life to Christ, there was nothing but darkness. I operated in a state of mass confusion, looking this place and that for fulfillment only to wind up empty-handed and broken. The moment God made His first appearance in my heart, I knew things would be different. Far better than any self-help strategy, I was finally at a place where I understood that I couldn't help myself.

The difference is like night and day. The shadows have disappeared, darkness (though continuously looming) is kept at bay. Courage breaks through blankets of paralysis, one mountain at a time. Even on the outside I look different. I look at pictures of myself from years back, and I can honestly say that I look nothing like that shell of a girl. My companionship with Christ has made me a new creation.

God has taken me to places I've never even dreamed - convincing me that yes, He wants to use me to build His Kingdom. Lil' ol' me!! I have taken the appropriate steps. More times than not I have heard and obeyed His voice, always to the demise of my flesh. But deeper still is a tangled ball of uncertainty, that is manifest through guilt, condemnation and fear. On the outside nobody would notice. The torment is within, and sadly, God's ambassador finds herself in a familiar prison, filled with shackles and lies.

I post today on this subject, not to disclose the delicate underbelly of my being, but for the glory of the One who will bring deliverance. I've come a very long way, God has healed so much! But there is more He wants to uncover, new places to find healing for. I am making my way toward freedom, one dip into God's Word after another. His TRUTH is my only hope.

And when all is said and done, I will look nothing at all like that little blond waif . . . from head to toe the girl within will look a lot like the One who ransomed her life.

I will most resemble Him.

(I recommend two links if you would like to read more about insecurity and combating the lies of the enemy. Visit "A Day in the Life" and "Dave's Wave - March 16" for other great views.)

Reverence

I've got an awful lot floating around in this melon of mine today. Household chores keep my hands busy, but my mind is somewhere else. Tucked next to a very dear friend's pillow, are my concerns and my prayers. She is in bed today - yes, on a day as beautiful as this she is confined to her bedroom. Fear and pain are her companions.

It happened so suddenly. One day she was fine and the next she wasn't. Day to day routine came to a screeching halt as dinner dishes and homework papers were replaced with the unbelievable pain of surgery - and then a diagnosis that seemed unbearable.

So many of her plans, her ideas of springtime have been dashed. No trip to Disneyland, nothing fun to speak of now. Just the cool feel of clean sheets and a good book. Contentment reigns where restlessness once lived. She spends hours in silence, looking out the window - whispering a silent plea. Please God, more time.

I speak not of the protagonist in a good novel, nor the lead actress in a daytime movie. This brave heart, this champion I speak of is one of my favorite people in the whole world - my friend Debbie. She is everything I could ever hope to be. Strong, courageous, discerning and so funny. A snapshot of surrender, a portrait of beauty.

My thoughts fade from her, and onto the One who holds her this day. His strong arms cradeling her weary heart. The sweetness of His presence quieting her fears. In prayer, I stand beside my friend echoing the same plea. Please God, more time.

This Friday before Easter is indeed - very good. A silver lining surrounds every cloud. This has always been Debbie's take on things. Today is no different. As I picked up the phone to dial her number this morning, my phone call was met with optimism not defeat. The storm that rages may be fierce, but as Debbie has said from the first twinge of pain, "Our God is bigger."

This Good Friday, remember to thank God for the simple pleasures in life. A trip to the store, preparing a meal, going for a walk. I cannot say it enough - every breath is a gift.

Jesus gave you this breath, and that one, and that one too . . . as He breathed His last. His surrender on a tree calls for a tread of reverence -- and for trust of the greatest kind.

Sunday will come.

I'm Back

Like a step back into a comfortable pair of jeans, I begin the pursuit of blogging once more. I have taken some time away - a bit by choice and a bit not. My last posts landed sometime in January I think, with the dream of beginning a devotional on the names of God. Creating this enormous project for myself pretty much brought me to a stand still. I was paralyzed beneath the smoke screen of failure. I am an all or nothing kind of girl, and not being able to pour my whole self in . . . well, I guess that meant throwing in the towel.

This blessed morning, a very dear friend of mine gave me the kick in the rear I needed to get things going again. She encouraged me to pick myself up, dust off and keep going. She gave me a different perspective, one I hadn't thought of before. Thinking of this as a ministry - yes, that makes a lot of sense. Loving God, loving people . . . all by sharing my awareness of His presence, so strong, so sweet.

The good Lord knows I have an ocean full of jewels to share, but I don't want disclose too much all at once. I'm headed for a plop on the couch with a pan full of brownies about to come out of the oven. Life is good - so very good.

Every single breath.