While cleaning up the kitchen tonight, I found myself heading to the back of the house for paper towels - three times. This is not because I needed paper towels that many times, nor was it because I feel I need the exercise (although it probably doesn't hurt). I proceeded to go back and forth because my pursuit of paper towels was forgotten.
We've all had things like that happen - at least the crowd I mix with. You head into one room (usually on the other side of the house) with a purpose in mind. You need something, so you tell your feet to take you there.
Then the distractions come in. Someone will ask you a question, completely breaking your concentration . . . but mostly the distractions don't talk. It will sometimes be as simple as a pair of socks that need to hit the hamper.
Tonight while I was in the boys room, doing just that - I noticed the pile of laundry on their bed that needed to be put away. Did I call them in to do it? No, it's much faster to do the job myself. (I know, I am messing my kids up here.) After I hung the last shirt up, I took a detour into the bathroom to shampoo Makayla's hair. Then back into the kitchen for . . . oh ya, paper towels.
I can see doing this once, maybe twice . . . but three times? What this means, I really do not know. Maybe I am losing it. Maybe "it" has been lost for a while - it being my mind.
It got me thinking about how easily I lose track of something God gives me through His Word. I will have this great promise to hold on to, and one by one the distractions start moving in. Bad thoughts like dirty socks line the hallway of my mind. A pile of distractions to sort through over here, and some shampooing to do over there. It's no wonder I forget what I was seeking in the first place.
So thinking back to the kitchen, what keeps me in pursuit of those paper towels? Well, what I've discovered tonight is that they serve a need. I have a job to do, and in order to complete the task, I NEED those paper towels.
It's the same with God's Word. We have each been given a job to do. And in order to complete the task, we NEED the guidance, protection and nourishment of God's Word.
So as you strive to meditate on God's good Word, I want to encourage you - keep seeking! Distractions will come in many different sizes and shapes . . . but don't give up. You may end up looking like a crazy person, circling around the same thing over and over again.
But eventually the Truth will become a part of you . . . and in an instant, there will no more need for wandering.
Saturday, October 13
Friday, October 12
In Tune
This morning was especially nice for me, and it was the hospitality of a friend that made all the difference.
I was "meeting" with one of my leaders from last year, planning on tying up one of the loose ends of the ministry. There are a lot of changes taking place this year, as programs and activities are being cut right and left. This particular friend was passing along some of her specialized skills as well as a disk with some documentation on it.
Makayla and I stood on the wet pavement for just a moment. After one ring of the bell, we were greeted with a smile and a hug. The instant we stepped in, we felt at home as the bright and colorful walls created a welcome of their own. Every corner, every window nook and cranny was decorated with something elegant. From family pictures to shiny pillows, table throws and curtains - her home was one of peace and elegance.
Worship music played softly, creating a sense of calmness. We were invited to step into the living room, where she and I plopped down on the couch for a special touch of the Spirit. God used this special friend to breathe life into a life-less body today. Work has been such a blessing these past two weeks - but I have to admit by the end of the week, I am spent.
One of her three kitties came in for a visit, and Makayla and I were greeted with a soft purring ball of fur. I love cats . . . but because I am not fond of cat boxes, we won't be owning one any time soon. Although I love our dog Ginger (and have had dogs most of my life) - I think I am more of a cat person. Cuddling with "Precious" this morning was a real treat.
God spoke so clearly to me through this dear woman this morning. So much of what she shared was confirmation of what God had already been telling me. We talked about priorities - God family and work. I shared with her the need to focus only on these three, in order to stay balanced and spirit-filled. Then she shared some of what God was teaching her, which was icing on the cake.
God brought the confirmation of seasons, which really met me where I am right now. I feel the need to carve even more away from my pretty bare schedule - simply for the sake of sanity. With this new job, I really don't feel I can lend any more of myself to anything other than God and family right now. Cutting everything else away seems so extreme - but it's what this heart longs for.
She quoted some of Daniel chapter two . . . and everything seemed to fit neatly into place.
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. " ~ Daniel 2:20-22
Seasons, yes . . . I have stepped into a new season. What God is requiring of me, is a whole lot more than half-hearted effort or partial obedience. Sometimes that means saying "no" to a lot of really good things. This will not be easy - but in order to fulfill God's purpose for me - it is very necessary.
My friend sent me away today with a book called, "Blessed Child" by Bill Bright and Ted Decker. It is about a little boy who is raised in a monastery. Because he is sheltered from "the world" for most of his life, he enjoys a very deep and intimate relationship with God - and is able to discern God's voice continuously.
I am so thankful for a morning of pivotal proportion. I look forward to cracking that new book. There is something so great about seeing life through another person's eyes. Something grabbed me in those visiting moments this morning . . . and I will be able to mark this day as one where I took a stand.
As I step out of some of the activities that God has brought to my mind, I look forward to stepping into the kind of solitude that will keep me in tune with Him.
I was "meeting" with one of my leaders from last year, planning on tying up one of the loose ends of the ministry. There are a lot of changes taking place this year, as programs and activities are being cut right and left. This particular friend was passing along some of her specialized skills as well as a disk with some documentation on it.
Makayla and I stood on the wet pavement for just a moment. After one ring of the bell, we were greeted with a smile and a hug. The instant we stepped in, we felt at home as the bright and colorful walls created a welcome of their own. Every corner, every window nook and cranny was decorated with something elegant. From family pictures to shiny pillows, table throws and curtains - her home was one of peace and elegance.
Worship music played softly, creating a sense of calmness. We were invited to step into the living room, where she and I plopped down on the couch for a special touch of the Spirit. God used this special friend to breathe life into a life-less body today. Work has been such a blessing these past two weeks - but I have to admit by the end of the week, I am spent.
One of her three kitties came in for a visit, and Makayla and I were greeted with a soft purring ball of fur. I love cats . . . but because I am not fond of cat boxes, we won't be owning one any time soon. Although I love our dog Ginger (and have had dogs most of my life) - I think I am more of a cat person. Cuddling with "Precious" this morning was a real treat.
God spoke so clearly to me through this dear woman this morning. So much of what she shared was confirmation of what God had already been telling me. We talked about priorities - God family and work. I shared with her the need to focus only on these three, in order to stay balanced and spirit-filled. Then she shared some of what God was teaching her, which was icing on the cake.
God brought the confirmation of seasons, which really met me where I am right now. I feel the need to carve even more away from my pretty bare schedule - simply for the sake of sanity. With this new job, I really don't feel I can lend any more of myself to anything other than God and family right now. Cutting everything else away seems so extreme - but it's what this heart longs for.
She quoted some of Daniel chapter two . . . and everything seemed to fit neatly into place.
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. " ~ Daniel 2:20-22
Seasons, yes . . . I have stepped into a new season. What God is requiring of me, is a whole lot more than half-hearted effort or partial obedience. Sometimes that means saying "no" to a lot of really good things. This will not be easy - but in order to fulfill God's purpose for me - it is very necessary.
My friend sent me away today with a book called, "Blessed Child" by Bill Bright and Ted Decker. It is about a little boy who is raised in a monastery. Because he is sheltered from "the world" for most of his life, he enjoys a very deep and intimate relationship with God - and is able to discern God's voice continuously.
I am so thankful for a morning of pivotal proportion. I look forward to cracking that new book. There is something so great about seeing life through another person's eyes. Something grabbed me in those visiting moments this morning . . . and I will be able to mark this day as one where I took a stand.
As I step out of some of the activities that God has brought to my mind, I look forward to stepping into the kind of solitude that will keep me in tune with Him.
Thursday, October 11
Crossing Guard
On my regular route to work this morning, I spied a very interesting thing. I was heading toward Stephanie's house to drop off my sweet girl for a couple of hours. Being a little bit ahead of schedule, I felt no need to hurry.
Driving through the green light at Walnut, I noticed that the traffic had come to an abrupt halt. I remember thinking that I would try and take another route next week to skip the carpool lane.
Inch by inch, I finally made it to the four way stop where I would be making a right. As I drew close to the crosswalk, I watched the crossing guard step out in front of me to lead a boy safely across the street. I smiled at her as she held up her sign. She was bold, yet cautious - she moved quickly but watched carefully.
I started thinking about how vulnerable this woman was. Here she was, directing traffic with no real authority. She wore no badge, nor did she have a K-9 or a gun. The reflective vest was the only thing that seemed to qualify her for the job.
I have heard a few instances lately, where little kids have been hit by cars going to and from school. My guess is that these were accidents - people just driving too fast combined with kids running out into the street without looking.
This dear woman, trying her hardest, really had no authority to make us drivers behave. Sure, most of us there were parents, and we wanted to abide by the rules to keep any and all kids safe. But for moments when the rules were being broken, and lives were endangered she really held no authority to promote change.
As she stepped back on to the curb, I turned my blinker on and made my right turn. As I hit the gas, something startled me out of the corner of my eye. It was something I wasn't expecting, and I was suddenly really happy to be on my best driving behavior.
Positioned just feet away from this crossing guard, was a police office on a motorcycle. I had to chuckle a little . . . and it made me think about how God stands watch over us.
Like crossing guards, we put on our "serving" vests and hold up our signs - hoping to protect a wee Christian here and there. We serve with the best of intentions, hoping that things will go well, but knowing that we really don't have any authority to make things happen.
And while He can't be seen, our faithful Father waits close by, standing post - ready to pounce on any perpetrator. He is a silent but very powerful friend, having all authority over both heaven and earth.
I drove to work feeling very safe under His watchful eye today. As I pulled out my own stop sign to begin my shift, I smiled knowing that although silent and unsuspecting . . .
God is always suited up and ready to watch my back.
Driving through the green light at Walnut, I noticed that the traffic had come to an abrupt halt. I remember thinking that I would try and take another route next week to skip the carpool lane.
Inch by inch, I finally made it to the four way stop where I would be making a right. As I drew close to the crosswalk, I watched the crossing guard step out in front of me to lead a boy safely across the street. I smiled at her as she held up her sign. She was bold, yet cautious - she moved quickly but watched carefully.
I started thinking about how vulnerable this woman was. Here she was, directing traffic with no real authority. She wore no badge, nor did she have a K-9 or a gun. The reflective vest was the only thing that seemed to qualify her for the job.
I have heard a few instances lately, where little kids have been hit by cars going to and from school. My guess is that these were accidents - people just driving too fast combined with kids running out into the street without looking.
This dear woman, trying her hardest, really had no authority to make us drivers behave. Sure, most of us there were parents, and we wanted to abide by the rules to keep any and all kids safe. But for moments when the rules were being broken, and lives were endangered she really held no authority to promote change.
As she stepped back on to the curb, I turned my blinker on and made my right turn. As I hit the gas, something startled me out of the corner of my eye. It was something I wasn't expecting, and I was suddenly really happy to be on my best driving behavior.
Positioned just feet away from this crossing guard, was a police office on a motorcycle. I had to chuckle a little . . . and it made me think about how God stands watch over us.
Like crossing guards, we put on our "serving" vests and hold up our signs - hoping to protect a wee Christian here and there. We serve with the best of intentions, hoping that things will go well, but knowing that we really don't have any authority to make things happen.
And while He can't be seen, our faithful Father waits close by, standing post - ready to pounce on any perpetrator. He is a silent but very powerful friend, having all authority over both heaven and earth.
I drove to work feeling very safe under His watchful eye today. As I pulled out my own stop sign to begin my shift, I smiled knowing that although silent and unsuspecting . . .
God is always suited up and ready to watch my back.
Wednesday, October 10
Small Group
I left church tonight with such a joyful heart. I felt as if I had just seen the face of a newborn baby, or like I was just given the best news in the world. There really wasn't anything extraordinary that happened on the surface, but underneath all that could be seen - something amazing happened.
After dropping my kids off for Awana's I headed on up to room 205B for a time of introductions. A brand new small group was born on this night - one that God orchestrated from the beginning of time. A group of strangers brought together for the sake of committing to one another and to God. There is nothing in the whole wide world like it.
I felt like being casual tonight, so I proceeded in such a way. I stepped into the room (a few minutes late) and then asked for some help moving the tables aside. I really wanted to create an atmosphere that would be conducive to conversation. With a little bit of elbow grease we proceeded to form a circle with the chairs, while the tables sat off to the side. Putting my ladies to work right away, already began a connection.
After a short prayer of blessing, one by one we went around the room and began sharing. We started with our names and our previous experiences with Small Groups. Some of the ladies had good stuff to report, while others not so good. Then there were a precious few that had never ventured along this terrain before.
God has brought together the most lovely mix of women. I have to be honest in saying that I didn't know how in the world I was going to fit another thing on my calendar. It seemed so much easier just to cancel everything and keep my Wednesday nights free and clear. But God had very different plans, and I am so grateful for His gift of perseverance. This new commitment will be well worth my time.
I feel very much connected to my group - and we've only had one meeting so far. There was this heightened awareness of God's presence as each of us shared a bit about our lives. We are a mix of ages, spiritual maturity and backgrounds, but we all (I guess I can really only speak for myself) but I got the sense that we were all very much one in heart.
Like I told my ladies tonight, "I love you all - already!" And I was speaking very genuinely from my heart. Something stirred in me tonight that I didn't realize was asleep. It will be neat to see what unfolds with this new discovery.
God truly is up to something absolutely amazing. Looking into the eyes of this newborn baby group, sends a thrill of hope and possibility like nothing could.
If you haven't connected to a Small Group yet, take that step and seize the moment . . .
- the moment is now.
After dropping my kids off for Awana's I headed on up to room 205B for a time of introductions. A brand new small group was born on this night - one that God orchestrated from the beginning of time. A group of strangers brought together for the sake of committing to one another and to God. There is nothing in the whole wide world like it.
I felt like being casual tonight, so I proceeded in such a way. I stepped into the room (a few minutes late) and then asked for some help moving the tables aside. I really wanted to create an atmosphere that would be conducive to conversation. With a little bit of elbow grease we proceeded to form a circle with the chairs, while the tables sat off to the side. Putting my ladies to work right away, already began a connection.
After a short prayer of blessing, one by one we went around the room and began sharing. We started with our names and our previous experiences with Small Groups. Some of the ladies had good stuff to report, while others not so good. Then there were a precious few that had never ventured along this terrain before.
God has brought together the most lovely mix of women. I have to be honest in saying that I didn't know how in the world I was going to fit another thing on my calendar. It seemed so much easier just to cancel everything and keep my Wednesday nights free and clear. But God had very different plans, and I am so grateful for His gift of perseverance. This new commitment will be well worth my time.
I feel very much connected to my group - and we've only had one meeting so far. There was this heightened awareness of God's presence as each of us shared a bit about our lives. We are a mix of ages, spiritual maturity and backgrounds, but we all (I guess I can really only speak for myself) but I got the sense that we were all very much one in heart.
Like I told my ladies tonight, "I love you all - already!" And I was speaking very genuinely from my heart. Something stirred in me tonight that I didn't realize was asleep. It will be neat to see what unfolds with this new discovery.
God truly is up to something absolutely amazing. Looking into the eyes of this newborn baby group, sends a thrill of hope and possibility like nothing could.
If you haven't connected to a Small Group yet, take that step and seize the moment . . .
- the moment is now.
Tuesday, October 9
Simple
God has been so incredibly faithful to me today. I have to be honest and say that after this weekend, I still have some untangling to do - but in the mean time He has revealed His love to me through a few really special people.
Scripture verses, words of encouragement and love - you know who you are - and I am so grateful for you. I keep wondering if anything good could come from the enemy disguising himself as light. (Bear with me through this). That just doesn't add up. Is the devil even capable of bringing about any goodness in my life? Feel free to shout out an answer if you have one.
Life's most precious gifts are often times the simplest of things, like a friend or two sending a wink. I am going to keep tonight's post quiet and simple . . .
seems to be an ongoing theme.
Scripture verses, words of encouragement and love - you know who you are - and I am so grateful for you. I keep wondering if anything good could come from the enemy disguising himself as light. (Bear with me through this). That just doesn't add up. Is the devil even capable of bringing about any goodness in my life? Feel free to shout out an answer if you have one.
Life's most precious gifts are often times the simplest of things, like a friend or two sending a wink. I am going to keep tonight's post quiet and simple . . .
seems to be an ongoing theme.
Monday, October 8
True Church
While I was wondering around on Saturday afternoon, outside of the Women of Faith conference, I felt curious about something. Back and fort I went in my mind. "Should I . . . or shouldn't I? What could it hurt?"
I've heard it said that curiosity killed the cat. This little kitty may not have experienced death, but she did suffer a terrible blow.
As my weekend wore on, I noticed (as we all did) a small group of people picketing outside of the conference. They held a sign that read "WOF leads to Hell". I thought to myself, "Wonder what this guy is all about. He seems harmless enough . . . maybe I should just go and see where he is coming from. Maybe I could straighten him out a little."
After spending most of the day alone with God in the park, I decided to saunter up and check things out. The guy with the sign was addressing two women who were passing by. The conversation peeked my interest, so I stayed a bit longer just to listen. Scripture was pouring out of this guy's mouth, leaving me no room to argue. After all, the guy was proclaiming the indestructible indisputable Word of God - word for word. I found myself agreeing inside to what he was saying.
After the girls left, I decided to step up to the plate, and began carrying on a conversation of my own. I kept myself open, so that I could really get a handle on where he was coming from. One verse after another backed up his very strong opinion of what was going on. This guy thought that WOF, and many other Christian organizations were mirrors of a false Christianity, that is sadly poisoning this world.
What he said made sense at the time. There really ARE parts of the Bible that people just don't want to accept . . . for whatever reason. He spoke of God as angry, and a murderer. Hate, fury and rage painted a picture of the God he named the same as I did - Jesus. But somehow, I just couldn't see the God I know and love fitting his description.
I should have walked away. I should have thanked him for his time, and politely bowed out. But no, I let the assault continue as I stood there and took it. He said I was not saved. He accused me of attending a false church. He accused my Pastor of being a false teacher. He said that my Holy Spirit experiences up to this point had been demonic.
Wait a minute. I can take most things . . . I feel like God has really strengthened my faith through the years . . . He and I, we can get through anything together. But hearing that the God I love and serve could in fact be the devil himself disguised as light . . . that shook me to the absolute core.
After the conference, I told my friends about it and asked them to pray for me. I felt this heaviness on me that I just couldn't get out of my mind. Flashes of horror threatened to torment me off and on. Even today, a couple of days later, I will get a shudder of fear surge through me.
I am having to work through this somehow - this guy really did have some good points here and there. I will not go as far as to say that I don't believe that I am really saved - because I do. I won't accept his opinion that I attend a false church, and that Pastor Dave is a false teacher - because those are flat out lies.
The part I am having to work through though, is my own personal relationship with God. To think I have been praying to someone other than the One True God sends me down a painful part of my past. I was deceived once before, when I was a part of the Mormon church. Nothing in all of my life has been more hurtful -nothing more difficult to overcome.
If you are reading this, please pray for me. I trust that this experience will solidify my trust in God, because I know that He is going to prove to me that it really is Him. God will reveal to me, in the most intimate and wonderful way - that I do in fact belong to one TRUE CHURCH of a million.
I may not have every Scripture verse to banter back, defending my faith. But I can say that I know, that I know, that I know - that the God I give my life for . . .
His name is LOVE.
I've heard it said that curiosity killed the cat. This little kitty may not have experienced death, but she did suffer a terrible blow.
As my weekend wore on, I noticed (as we all did) a small group of people picketing outside of the conference. They held a sign that read "WOF leads to Hell". I thought to myself, "Wonder what this guy is all about. He seems harmless enough . . . maybe I should just go and see where he is coming from. Maybe I could straighten him out a little."
After spending most of the day alone with God in the park, I decided to saunter up and check things out. The guy with the sign was addressing two women who were passing by. The conversation peeked my interest, so I stayed a bit longer just to listen. Scripture was pouring out of this guy's mouth, leaving me no room to argue. After all, the guy was proclaiming the indestructible indisputable Word of God - word for word. I found myself agreeing inside to what he was saying.
After the girls left, I decided to step up to the plate, and began carrying on a conversation of my own. I kept myself open, so that I could really get a handle on where he was coming from. One verse after another backed up his very strong opinion of what was going on. This guy thought that WOF, and many other Christian organizations were mirrors of a false Christianity, that is sadly poisoning this world.
What he said made sense at the time. There really ARE parts of the Bible that people just don't want to accept . . . for whatever reason. He spoke of God as angry, and a murderer. Hate, fury and rage painted a picture of the God he named the same as I did - Jesus. But somehow, I just couldn't see the God I know and love fitting his description.
I should have walked away. I should have thanked him for his time, and politely bowed out. But no, I let the assault continue as I stood there and took it. He said I was not saved. He accused me of attending a false church. He accused my Pastor of being a false teacher. He said that my Holy Spirit experiences up to this point had been demonic.
Wait a minute. I can take most things . . . I feel like God has really strengthened my faith through the years . . . He and I, we can get through anything together. But hearing that the God I love and serve could in fact be the devil himself disguised as light . . . that shook me to the absolute core.
After the conference, I told my friends about it and asked them to pray for me. I felt this heaviness on me that I just couldn't get out of my mind. Flashes of horror threatened to torment me off and on. Even today, a couple of days later, I will get a shudder of fear surge through me.
I am having to work through this somehow - this guy really did have some good points here and there. I will not go as far as to say that I don't believe that I am really saved - because I do. I won't accept his opinion that I attend a false church, and that Pastor Dave is a false teacher - because those are flat out lies.
The part I am having to work through though, is my own personal relationship with God. To think I have been praying to someone other than the One True God sends me down a painful part of my past. I was deceived once before, when I was a part of the Mormon church. Nothing in all of my life has been more hurtful -nothing more difficult to overcome.
If you are reading this, please pray for me. I trust that this experience will solidify my trust in God, because I know that He is going to prove to me that it really is Him. God will reveal to me, in the most intimate and wonderful way - that I do in fact belong to one TRUE CHURCH of a million.
I may not have every Scripture verse to banter back, defending my faith. But I can say that I know, that I know, that I know - that the God I give my life for . . .
His name is LOVE.
Sunday, October 7
Drum
My Women of Faith weekend was nothing like any of the other ones I have ever experienced. I can't really say that it was the incredible speaking or the dynamic worship by Nicole C. Mullen that set things apart. The speakers and the worship crew were all very talented. The atmosphere was beautiful, the display tables nicely arranged. But something inside of me just could not be there.
After the first speaker finished, I walked outside and crossed the street. Plopping down on a park bench, I allowed myself a much needed break. It was Saturday morning, and the second half of the first session was about to start. I just couldn't bring myself to go back into that building. So many people, so many different messages . . . it felt like more than I could take in.
All that I could absorb in that moment, was the cool breeze rushing by, and sunshine catching the leaves. Listening to children play and birds perform - this was where I felt closest to God. Outside in that park, there was no glitter, no glitz . . . no commercialized Christianity . . . it was just me, God and a squirrel.
Something really strange is happening to me lately, and I just cannot get it figured out. Instead of feeling the need to run from one activity to another (church based or not), I feel the need to sit and be quiet. I took that time away on Saturday, not because I thought it sounded like a good idea - it was for survival. I was just dying for some of God's sweet refreshment.
I have discovered through the years, that I am an introvert - I get refueled when I am alone, as opposed to when I am around other people. I crave solitude, and I really think I need it more than most people. If I don't have a certain amount of time alone just to think, I begin feeling anxious, irritable and even smothered.
Discovering who you are is one thing, and being okay with it is something entirely different. Why didn't I feel the need to seize the opportunity to see those famous artists that morning? Why was getting my head clear and my heart straight more important this year? What caused me to show up all tangled in the first place? Is it my new job . . . or simply a new perspective altogether?
I head into next week a little bit fragile, as I am not sure how the rest of "me" is going to look. Will I just go with the flow like I always have, or will I listen to that still small voice giving me permission to be myself?
Living truest to who we are . . . this brings glory to God. Even if it looks crazy or wasteful to somebody on the outside looking in. Being misunderstood is something I am getting kind of used to.
I may very well march to the beat of a different drum - but my God knows right where I am, even when I don't have a clue.
After the first speaker finished, I walked outside and crossed the street. Plopping down on a park bench, I allowed myself a much needed break. It was Saturday morning, and the second half of the first session was about to start. I just couldn't bring myself to go back into that building. So many people, so many different messages . . . it felt like more than I could take in.
All that I could absorb in that moment, was the cool breeze rushing by, and sunshine catching the leaves. Listening to children play and birds perform - this was where I felt closest to God. Outside in that park, there was no glitter, no glitz . . . no commercialized Christianity . . . it was just me, God and a squirrel.
Something really strange is happening to me lately, and I just cannot get it figured out. Instead of feeling the need to run from one activity to another (church based or not), I feel the need to sit and be quiet. I took that time away on Saturday, not because I thought it sounded like a good idea - it was for survival. I was just dying for some of God's sweet refreshment.
I have discovered through the years, that I am an introvert - I get refueled when I am alone, as opposed to when I am around other people. I crave solitude, and I really think I need it more than most people. If I don't have a certain amount of time alone just to think, I begin feeling anxious, irritable and even smothered.
Discovering who you are is one thing, and being okay with it is something entirely different. Why didn't I feel the need to seize the opportunity to see those famous artists that morning? Why was getting my head clear and my heart straight more important this year? What caused me to show up all tangled in the first place? Is it my new job . . . or simply a new perspective altogether?
I head into next week a little bit fragile, as I am not sure how the rest of "me" is going to look. Will I just go with the flow like I always have, or will I listen to that still small voice giving me permission to be myself?
Living truest to who we are . . . this brings glory to God. Even if it looks crazy or wasteful to somebody on the outside looking in. Being misunderstood is something I am getting kind of used to.
I may very well march to the beat of a different drum - but my God knows right where I am, even when I don't have a clue.
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