Hemmed In

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. ~ Jeremiah 33:3

Today I am grateful for God's tenderness. I wrote about "answers" yesterday . . . and today's verse tells me that He WILL answer me when I call. Wow. It is one of those moments where I feel absolutely hemmed in by God. Some people might call it a coincidence, while others would carelessly shrug it off. Not me. It is in moments like these that God is so real.

A lot came together for me yesterday in the evening. I was sent home with this question to ponder, "What is yours to own?" This strange and awkward question had me realize something. I've been hiding. I didn't realize this until I really took time to think about this question. My normal tendency, to shrink back and hide, is what started to take motion . . . but instead a new strength began to surface. There was something more that God wanted me to see.

What is mine to own? Good question. In other words, what is my responsibility, and what will my next step look like? Next steps for me have been pretty elusive lately, but God sent His picture as clear as crystal.

A dear friend of mine crystallized everything during some of our sharing time today. Sitting on a fence, here but not really here, and not there either . . . yes, that is what I have been doing too. I have undergone some pretty deep wounds, and there are things that only God will be able to untangle. But I am ready to brush myself off and stand - to get off of the fence (so to speak) and to embrace this place that I've been called.

This shrunk back place has been my way of protecting myself. Silly, I know - but it is what I learned how to do very early on, and it is so easy to fall into that same default. There are so many things God has been showing me, and none of which I would ever be able to articulate, even if I tried. It is all so deeply intimate - just between me and Him.

But I will try and share this little nugget. I've come to realize that I have been trying to protect myself, using this method or that. Most of the time it is subconsciously. And underneath the smiles and behind the labels - I have been shrinking to the point of death. Well, I've decided from this point on that shrinking just isn't going to cut it for me anymore. I have been trying to protect myself from the pain - when pain is what God wants me to embrace.

In Hannah Harnard's book "Hind's Feet", we see that Much Afraid's companions were Sorrow and Suffering. She needed those companions in order to be taken to the high places - there was simply no other way. It seemed so strange and cruel of The Shepherd. But as the story unfolds, we can see why such friends were chosen.

In the same way, God will choose sorrow and suffering to lead us along this journey of sanctification. It is not supposed to be easy . . . look at what Jesus endured. A cross. Jesus knew his purpose, His reason for being here was not His own - it was all about the Father's will. And we must remember that we too have been bought with a price.

Call to Me . . . yes, my heart calls out through waves of worship. Prayer continues to be on the tip of my tongue. Answers fall like rain in the waiting, and how wonderfully refreshing the cleansing can be.