Disheveled

So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded.
~ Hebrews 10:35

My wonderful husband came home early this afternoon to surprise me with a special project he was working on. As I came down the hall toward the playroom, to my horror, it looked like a tornado hit.

I was speechless. I tried to find words, but nothing came out. I remember my arms flailing . . . my eyebrows were furrowed, but no sound came out of my mouth. The hours I had spent cleaning and organizing a couple of nights before had gone up in flames. The floor I finally cleared was now unrecognizable, covered with the books I had carefully organized days before.

Mark was stunned. He was really surprised by my reaction - for his heart really was to make me happy. We have this entertainment center positioned along one of the walls of the playroom. It has several shelves, holding books, toys, games and videos. We talked briefly the other night about cutting the center out and making two bookcases out of it. I thought it sounded like a great idea . . . but I did not realize he was fixin' to take care of it.

My plans for that room (at least until Christmas was over) was to keep in neat and tidy. My sister will be staying in there over Christmas, and I wanted to make it comfortable for her. Mark had no idea.

I'm sure it will be one of those things we will laugh about years down the road, or maybe a even a little bit later on tonight. I so appreciate my husband's kindness in wanting to surprise me. I have to say, I was pretty surprised.

God showed me this afternoon that the way I felt when I walked into that demolished room is how I have been feeling about something else in my life. It was a great illustration for feelings I have not been able to articulate until now. My first reaction to Mark's special project was anger, fear and terrible discouragement. I couldn't even stand in that room a moment longer, because the mess was just too much for me to bear.

I look forward to the way that God will peel the layers away, revealing the true lesson. What a gift this frustration has been. I was able to see Mark's chivalry in wanting to help out - and there was one of life's lessons to boot. God was teaching me patience amidst that disheveled mess, and there was simply no room for a temper tantrum.

I read this morning the importance of not throwing away our confidence. Whether it is in hopes for a clean playroom (that will stay clean for more than 48 hours), or we are looking for direction along this spiritual journey . . . God promises that our confidence will be richly rewarded.

As Mark and Matthew work to put each book back into place, I will choose confidence over those pesky feelings of defeat.