Capturing Moments

My cousin Jamie helped me download all of my digital pictures onto our computer last night. I've had the camera dock in a box in my closet for months now. Capturing moments is definitely not a strong point for me. In fact, the thought of scrap booking or organizing pictures puts my stomach in a knot.

I for one, feel so completely behind in this area. I have so many photos. Some are filed away, some are stored in boxes and some now live on my computer. I have even managed to create a few photo albums . . . but only three have been completed in the 14 years we've been married.

Scrap booking is something I really enjoy, but I never sit down to work on it without a load of anxiety piling up. Why do I feel like such a failure in this area? Is it because I have successfully completed baby albums for my two boys, but haven't even started Makayla's? She's five now!

The best way I have been able to reconcile this unkept room of my life, is to first set aside any unrealistic expectations. My comparison of other people's prize albums immediately puts me into a pit of despair. I know that I will never get there, because that is not how God has prioritized my life. I'm in a different place, and in a different season. It might even have something to do with the fact that I don't have that kind of personality . . . and that's okay.

This thought just occurred to me. What if I were to set other people's examples aside, and ask God what He would have me do with my pictures? What is the reason for taking them, and how can they bring glory to Him? Hmmmm . . . interesting concept. But I have tried creating a spiritual scrapbook before, and I only got about 1/3 of it done (with no pictures included). Now that doesn't glorify God. That is just another unfinished project.

But wait. Did God ask me to create a spiritual scrapbook? Have I just slapped the word "spiritual" onto another unfinished project? Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of leaving a spiritual legacy for generations to come. It would be ideal to create dozens of spiritual scrapbooks, all documenting the footprints of God in our family. But maybe I am only a piece to the puzzle of this dream. Maybe I will simply be the collector of memories.

The ache and panic of capturing moments runs a little bit deeper for me than unfinished albums. I think at the core of why I struggle with this has to do with letting go. I am wanting to capture moments, and keep them frozen. I don't want my kids to grow up so fast. Life just seems to be slipping away too quickly. We only have so much time here on this earth, and my anxious pursuit of scrap booking is one of the ways I try and control the inevitable passing of time.

Collecting and organizing our family's photos. That is all that I am able to do right now. And because I feel a sense of peace in letting all the rest go - I know that it's enough.