In The Waiting

God has been trying to teach me something for some time now, and I have to confess - I am just not getting it. Anybody been there?

If I could summarize the past year or so, I would have to say that God has been trying to teach me the art of patience. I can honestly say that I don't remember praying for such an attribute. Maybe somebody else noticed I needed help in this area and prayed for me. Or maybe God, for the sake of sanctification, knew that I needed the sandpaper applied on this rough area of my heart.

I feel like I've been waiting an eternity at this bus stop called life, sitting in a waiting room that never calls my name. "So what have you been waiting for?" you ask. Funny question, there are hundreds of things - some big and some small.

Here are some examples: I'd like to know specifically what women's ministries will look like next year, I'd like to know when to speak and when to be silent over some issues that are dear to my heart, and the biggie is - I'd like to know what the next season holds for me and my family. And why am I so fixated on knowing? It is pretty simple . . . I think it's because I am afraid.

I fear I won't be good enough, that I won't say the right things, that maybe I'll say too much or not enough. I fear the unknown, so I want as many details as possible so that I can try and plan my way out of worry. In other words, I want control. If I know exactly what next year will look like, then I won't have to step out in faith. If I know exactly how every conversation I will ever have is going to go, then I wouldn't need the help of the Holy Spirit. And even more, if I knew what the next season held, I would not have to lean on God's promises so much.

I have known for some time that this whole quandary is about more than just getting the answers I'm looking for. What we're dealing with here is a heart issue. The truth is, I am not completely trusting God - and to be honest, with these issues, I don't remember how. This is all so basic and fundamental . . . why this struggle? Why now?

Maturity is something God wants for this worn out soul. He desires that for every one of His children. And He will use whatever it takes to form us into the image of His Son. Tragedy, illness, heart brake - and yes, even silence. Waiting builds character traits like nothing else can. Let's see, when we are called upon to wait, faith can be strengthened, prayer practiced, and the Word of God clung too. Sounds to me like a great opportunity to get closer to God. Hmmmm . . . hasn't that been my prayer all along?

Stay with me here. Could it be that God may be answering the noblest of my requests to "be with Him" through this season waiting? If I really think about it, I am powerless - paralyzed really without His intervention. He is my Source, my Comfort and the One I long for as I lean out to look toward the horizon.

Jesus was never in a hurry, and always on time. He never worried himself sick over imagined scenarios, or assumed the worst to keep from being disappointed. Jesus had His eyes on the Father, always ready to answer the call - even the call to wait.

If you are the one who was praying for my patience, thank you. It is excruciating at times, but I can see now that I will know Him better through this. And when the answers do finally come, I have a feeling they won't matter so much anymore

. . . for I will have been with the One who holds them all.

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew thier strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagels,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

~ Isaiah 40:31 ~