Cracker Load

For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. - Matthew 11:30

I've been carrying a load I was never meant to carry - for far too long. Sitting with my husband last night, discussing the issues of my day, I was washed with a delightfully refreshing truth. I love the differences God created in Mark and I. While I see things on a gray scale most of the time, he is very black and white. We are different in a lot of ways, helping us become better wholes.

Normal, everyday stuff has been an enormous burden on me for months. And for the life of me, I have not been able to figure out why. "Am I in the wrong place? Do I need to change my attitude about things? Am I to carry this load? If so, why? And for how long?"

These questions have run through my mind like a broken record. I've cried out to God for relief, eager to jump off the mountain if it be His will. But while I have worked to try and control and change everything around me, instead, God has been looking to change my heart.

What will a change like this require? Well, as I look at this eager little ant carrying the crackers away, I see that in order to put something that heavy down, I am going to have to let go of my sinful appetite. It is time to surrender "what I want."

While I have carried a load far too heavy, for far too long, I am going to take the advice of my beloved husband and put it down. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?

It sounds simple, because it is simple.

Do you ever find yourself all caught up in a string of messes that are really not yours to untangle? Have you felt strangled by the decisions of other people and powerless to help? My dear friend, you are not responsible for anybody else but yourself. Keeping your own heart right with God is your only responsibility.

I publicly declare today, that I am tired of trying to control the things that are outside of my control. I recognize the hurts I have carried for years, and how they have poorly affected my view of the everyday world around me. I step down from the judgement seat, and give people permission to be who God made them to be. I forgive myself, and others for being less than perfect.

And above all, I embrace the freedom of walking with Jesus affords. Being close to God's heart is all this girl really wants. He came to rescue and to heal. He is more than able.

And because of His love, I am made whole.