Surrender

As I awoke this morning, a nagging thought brought me out of warm covers
and safe dreams. I began to think about my upcoming surgery, and some of the other loose ends in my life. Fear began welling up. And as the day wore on, it reared it's ugly head more times that I could count.

"Surrender" was God's remedy, and the lesson for this beautiful Wednesday. Not feeling much like myself today, things were a bit rocky and bouncy. I can't say that I passed this particular test with flying colors, but I held on to the concept with every ounce of strength. It was something that I had to apply - again and again. A dash here and a pinch there - all of which required a new level of selflessness and trust.

I've always considered myself one of God's most surrendered hearts. If it was about trying hard enough, I would be doing pretty well . . . but I'm learning that trying is not what God requires. It is the end of trying - the end of myself that God's grace works best.

Realizing that I cannot change on my own has been half the battle. This tired heart is not in much of a mood for digging in my heals. So instead I choose to rest, while waving the white flag in surrender.

My surgery, and the hundreds of other mountains -- I can't do this alone, "God, I need You desperately!" I renounce any attempt to control my circumstances, and I choose to look up where clouds of radiant white, soften the blows of this world.

There is nothing quite like being held by God - while navigating through the eye of a storm.

To the One who holds it all . . . I surrender ALL.