Matching Socks (Con't.)

Today's post is a comment Jodie Leonard sent in response to my Matching Socks post. I am SO glad she decided to share the full version of the story, so that you wouldn't have to put up with my broken interpretation.

Prepare yourself for God's remarkable lesson . . .

I must say this has been quite the welcome assignment. I am longing to write down the sessions of counsel by my Great Friend from above. I feel challenged of course to even dare to retrieve such a wonderful encounter. Writing it feels simple and complex, just like everything else in the Kingdom of God.

Here I go, with a little more than I was given back then. It would only be fair to start with the truth of where I was when I was rained upon by His great love and tender affection. I was battling the voices in my head about the loss of my dear four year old, child wonder, son. Mr. Clay Evan Leonard. The boy who would never enter Kindergarten much less become a teenager, man, or father. If I dare to think of this truth, I am back to where I was way back then. Struggling to find peace in my thoughts and fears. I just couldn't. Everything I saw, heard, felt, smelled, or tasted was all wrapped up in the loss of a child. Question after question after question was left unanswered, and I felt alone in a cement room, with nothing but myself. The longer I spent with myself, the more I realized I didn't even know the person asking the questions, and had no idea what I believed, or why. I needed answers.

I found that when I heard sermons, read the Word, and prayed, I found something familiar. Something I felt, but couldn't put words to. It was the peace I was looking for. I was starving, thirsty, and near death. I saw scripture was my food, but I didn't know how to eat it, to let it nourish me. So in His heavenly wisdom, He began to teach me to see things in my everyday life as heavenly lessons. I found that even the scripture, which was my food, was used against me in a way that challenged my heart and mind to get down to the bottom line truth. I will go in the direction of what I was challenged with, with Clay's death to demonstrate the battle and the solution.

I would hear things like, "It is your fault Clay died. You weren't a good enough parent to protect him. You didn't feed him right. You weren't smart enough to find the right cure. You didn't work hard enough. You can't trust doctors… anyone, not even yourself!" I began to crumble under the beating, knowing I really didn't have a rebuttal to any of these accusations. My spirit screamed out for help, even when my body or mouth could find the strength or words to ask for what I needed. I would search the scripture to find something that would help, it was my only hope. I would find things like. John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, 'said Jesus', "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." and Psalm 139:16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Deuteronomy 8:3 "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." I realized that these scriptures matched up with the spirit of what my questions were.

Here it comes......

We all have unanswered questions like a basket of mismatched socks. If we spend the time to find them, there are two socks to every pair. We know by the stitching, color, and size whether the sock fits. We know our own socks. We know some have holes in them, but it doesn't change the match. When we find the perfect match we have to put them together, and seal them up. If we are left with left over socks, (unanswered questions) we ask God to help us find them. In His kingdom, they never disappear. It takes time and focus to keep up on the socks, but eventually we learn that keeping them in order makes our lives easier, and we have security in knowing we have socks to depend on. There is nothing like needing socks and not having any available. We have to depend on the socks that we have until we find the strays; taking special care of the matches we do have.

The funny part about scripture is that it doesn't really answer my questions in a way that we in our flesh are satisfied. His Word always points to who He is, which is the answer my Spirit longs for. I still have unmatched socks, but am continually anticipating the "uncovering". Every question has an answer, if I am willing to ask the Maker. He really doesn't have to explain anything to me, but somehow in His tender mercies He does.

"Then Job replied:
Even today my complaint is bitter;
his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning.
If only I knew where to find him;
if only I could go to his dwelling!
I would state my case before him
and fill my mouth with arguments.
I would find out what he would answer me, and consider what he would say.
Would he oppose me with great power?
No, he would not press charges against me.
There an upright man could present his case before him,
and I would be delivered forever from my judge.
'But if I go to the east, he is not there:
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread." Job 23:2-12

I can ask all the questions I want, and it gives Him great pleasure to answer them, but sometimes I have to wait. Not that He couldn’t answer me, but so He can answer me in a way I understand.

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:5-6

My food, which are his promises, are available in the presence of my enemies, if I will just eat. They are mmm..mmm…good!

Posted by jojo to At His Feet at August 14, 2007 1:31 PM