New Beginning

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. ~ Proverbs 19:21

It is time, my friends, for me to take the next step on this journey. I've chosen not to post for the past month, so that I can work on some other writing projects.

As I complete my LongRidge Writer's Course, I've decided that it is time for me to start submitting my work. Yes, to join the real world of writers out there, who must rise against the nemesis of the rejection letter. I'm sure there are plenty in my future, but I press on, hoping for that open door.

I've also taken the plunge, and registered for Mount Hermon. This is HUGE for me! So aside from finishing up assignment number twelve, I will be preparing articles for magazines, writing a forward for a good friend's published book, and working on a short story for a Christmas book I will be submitting to. Not to mention, the Write His Answer workshops that I will start in January, and the Writer's Guild I hope to join in the near future.

God has opened up so many doors for this newbie. I have so much to learn! I invite you to check my blog from time to time, as I will be posting about the ups and downs of this new step. You can also check FaceBook, as I have been dipping into that a bit these days.

It is my hope, that as I take this step into my destiny, that my pursuit of this dream will encourage you to discover your own.

What is God's dream for your life? Like a dear writer friend of mine shared with me, I pass the same words along to you . .

"Go for it!"

Born Leader

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6

It was twelve years ago today that I saw and held my son for the first time. His wiggly little body had become familiar from the inside during the months he was baking. Now the movements were felt from the outside. It was surreal.

I labored for hours, about sixteen to be exact. An epidural brought some relief, but because only half of my body responded, I felt every contraction on my left side. Mark watched the contraction monitor, and tried to prepare me at the lines went up. With each crescendo of consuming pain, it was all I could do to breath through the waves.

After what seemed like an eternity, Matthew finally entered the world. He let out a dignified scream, and proceeded to grab the suction bulb right out of the doctor's hands. Now that my friends, is what you call a born leader! I can just imagine what he must have been thinking, after getting to know him these twelve years.

Hey, it is freezing out here. Where am I? Who is this guy in the white coat, is he the one who is in charge? Get that thing out of my face!

After cleaning him off, and handing my husband a tissue to dry the lake on his face, they placed this brand new life on my lap. I held my son. A boy. We did not know the sex of the baby before hand, which made the surprise so sweet.

Those first days home were so difficult. Colic kept Matthew up at all hours of the night, leaving us feeling frazzled and ill-equipped. But as the months wore on, it got easier in some ways and harder in others. Even today, all these years later, raising two sons and a daughter is our greatest joy and our greatest challenge.

My little blond haired cutie is what brought this hard-hearted young mom back to church. It had been years since I stepped foot into a sanctuary full of spirit filled believers. Being angry at God for half of a decade, I really didn't want anything to do with church. But my whole perspective changed when Matthew was born. Mark and I wanted the best for him, and raising him in church seemed like it would be best.

I have a great relationship with my son all of these years later. He is intelligent, loving, and extremely funny. He is one of my favorite people in the whole world! His faith is strong, his commitment to God unwavering. I see great things for this born leader.

My heart swells with pride as I watch my Matthew grow. May God always instill in Him, what is best.

Happy Birthday son. Daddy and I love you so.

Fruit

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 2:5

I read the most amazing prayer request yesterday. It went something like this, "Please pray that I will represent God. That when others see me, they see God." Wow. For some reason it pierced my heart. I longed for the same kind of thing.

As I muddled through Monday, I found myself a little bit on the grumpy side yesterday, especially with my kids. I could blame it on a long list of things, like it being Monday, us being busy, and so on. You know those selfish moments we all have (well, I guess I'm just assuming) where taking care of other people's needs feels like such an inconvenience?

While I still worked to pack lunches, fold laundry, bathe little bodies just like every other night, this night my heart just wasn't in it. I longed for the moments when my kids would finally be in bed so that I could have a little bit of peace and quiet - a little bit of ME time.

That may sound perfectly reasonable, every parent needs a break now and then, right? But something I noticed that was different about yesterday, was my motivation for quiet. I wanted to jump back onto Facebook (I am embarrassed to even write this) to see who might have written on my wall. My mind raced with thoughts about who else might be on line at the same time as me. My pulse quickened . . . my attitude stunk.

We all have things in our lives that seem good - really good, but somehow they squeeze that juicy Fruit of the Spirit right out of our lives. While I have only been a Facebook player for a total of two days, I found that it consumed my thoughts and fought for my attention - a little bit too much.

So what is that vice for you? Is it food? Shopping? Surfing on the web to build cyberspace friendships? Most everything is okay, as long as it is taken in moderation. It is when the thing that we try to keep control of begins taking control of us, that we need to run.

Recognizing this pattern in me, I don't know if the social media is going to be a good idea. It would make sense to keep at it while setting the necessary boundaries, but it seems like once I jump on I can so easily lose track of time, and even more, lose track of the whereabouts and my heart.

As we walk this path called faith together, it is my prayer that your heart would long to look like Jesus. His life paints a portrait of beautiful things, like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Anything that might try and steer you away from such things is not worthy of your time. No matter how fun and trendy it might be.

To be a representative of God is serious business - it is no small task. Inconvenient? At times, yes.

But He is worthy of ALL.

Connection

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! ~ Ecclesiastes 4:10

It was mind blowing. I chose from a list of over eighty people. Clicking on folks to add as friends. As I became familiar with each page and its capabilities, I chatted with a couple of friends on IM -- all at the same time! From invitations to flair, I received quite an education in the hour I spent parked on my living room couch.

Was it time well spent? That, my friend, is the question.

I've been thinking lately, about the importance of building relationships. Getting to know who I am has been key in being able to relate to others. Something very true about who I am got squashed in my growing up years. I could read off a long list of reasons I suspect caused such a shut down, but I choose not to. God is taking me very carefully through each festering wound, to apply the healing balm of forgiveness.

We all have them. Relationship crash and burns. It may have been with a family member, an acquaintance or a good friend. No matter who you've broken ties with and whatever the circumstance was, there is just no getting around it. It hurts.

There are so many things that lend to a break-up. I don't just mean the boyfriend-girlfriend kind, but all facets of the relationship world. Pride, envy, jealousy, selfishness, insecurities and fear, they all lend to a breakdown at some level or another. When communication gets muffled, feelings get hurt and friendships suffer.

With love being our greatest aim, cultivating relationships do seem worthy of my time. I've studied people who are very good at making friends, and there is one thing that is necessary to build a true and lasting friendship. Time. It takes time to get to know the other person, and time to share the details of your own life.

Being the kind of a personality that strives on productivity, I've let the friendship thing slide for too long. I've asked God to show me how to be good at this relationship thing again, and through my pursuit of friendships, He has begun to heal the wounds of past disasters.

While some may view social media as a waste of time, I choose to take a different view of things. Balance is key in the pursuit of any new venture. Scheduling lunches and dates with friends, picking up the phone and calling - just because - and typing a simple message at ten o'clock at night can all add to the beauty of this thing called a friend.

Pity is the busy man who finds he has fallen. It's a lonely world out there. It takes time and energy to make connections. You've gotta work to make friends! It can be frightening if you've been hurt before, but the risk is well worth it.

So I encourage you, it you haven't already done so, take a chance. Jump on this thing called Facebook and invite me to be your friend.

Chances are . . . I'll say yes!

Golden Years

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; ~ Proverbs 16:31a

As I sat in the sterile examination room this morning, my heart raced. I felt faint. Visiting the doctor does not always generate such anxiety. But with an imagination like mine . . . every ticking second felt like an eternity.

I tried to keep myself occupied by settling into the novel I have been chewing on for a week or so. Deep into the storyline, it was easy to escape into the lives of Lydia, Carol, Jacqueline and Alix. Their lives were in turmoil, from cancer diagnosis, to infertility, to marriage problems. The pretend drama seemed easier to cope with than the imagined drama of my own.

I heard a knock. The doctor entered the room, extending his hand. All smiles, he chatted about the weather and then proceeded to ask me about my ailment.

A lump. The one underneath my right arm. This is what brought me all the way to Modesto so early in the morning. With my nerves on edge, I took a seat on the examination table, and told myself to relax. As the doctor examined me, I don't remember speaking, or thinking . . . or even breathing.

"Nothing to worry about. It is a glandular swelling . . . it happens. Our bodies change into our thirties, forties and fifties . . . "

"Are you trying to say that I am getting old?" was my reply.

We both chuckled, and I decided that getting old isn't so bad. Even if it means fatty deposits tucked underneath my armpit. Getting older sure beats the alternative.

As I drove away this morning, I felt grateful for the free bill of health. I smiled with thoughts of God's comfort even through the week of uncertainty. If the news hadn't have been so promising, I know that God would have carried me through.

I thought about the thousands of women just like me who visited the doctor this morning - but left with an uncertain diagnosis. Somebody, somewhere heard the words "You have breast cancer." And for those women, I ached.

While I haven't found a gray hair to date, the affects of ageing are beginning to take their toll. I welcome the idea of growing old and gray. Rocking on a porch, immersed in a juicy novel and living a drama of my own?

Now that's golden.

Lazy Bones

It wasn't that I didn't want to get up this morning . . . I just couldn't. Nestled into a cocoon of comfort, I chose to ignore my alarm clock for just a few extra minutes (okay a whole hour) of bliss. Was it worth it? No, but getting myself out of that billowy haven was close to impossible.

Starting the day without my quiet time made for a rough morning. No matter how much I tried praying (while I raced out the door) nothing would replace my moments alone with God - moments that were forfeited for instant gratification. Ugh.

Now it is the middle of the afternoon, and I struggle to come up with something to post about. Morning is the best time to seize inspirational thoughts . . . while the moon still smiles down on stretching muscles and sleepy eyes. But once I hit that shower, routine takes over, bringing the day's writing pursuit to an end.

My point today, is that when there is nothing going in (a true connection with God through prayer and His Word) . . . then I don't have much to offer out.

While I know that God has still been with me throughout quite a hairy day, I recognize my need to put Him first in all things -- especially at the first part of my day.

Inspiration, wisdom . . . ministry -- true ministry is born of the Spirit. One must listen and obey in order to be used of God. Listening requires stillness.

God's whispers are best heard when it is still quiet . . . by the light of the moon.

Chase

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts . . . ~ Colossians 3:15

Ever been sent on one of these? A wild goose chase? My whole day felt like one yesterday. I was trying to grab hold of God's peace, only to find it slipping through my fingers.

We've all had them. Days where nothing seems to go right, and a pounding headache to boot, which seems to mock every decision you make. You know the kind of day that you can't wait to find an end for?

It was late afternoon, and it was all I could do to process the events of the day. With kids and a dog underneath my feet, I stepped into the door, discovering that the usual afternoon demands clamored for my attention. Homework help here, laundry there, dinner preparation, tidying up -- with soccer practice in an hour there was no hope for putting my feet up. I thought about hiding, but they would find me for sure.

After tying cleats and grabbing a couple of bottled waters, I headed out into the garage to hunt for the soccer stuff. Cones, pennies and other paraphernalia were nowhere to be found. With only about an hour before practice, and my need to get to the store for some Advil, my head spun.

The soccer stuff must be with Mark, across town at Pedretti park. Ugh!

After gathering myself and my two little ones, we piled into the van, and proceeded to the park. Ten minutes later, I found myself casing Mark's truck, only to find it empty. A walk that seemed about a half mile long brought me to my husband's side.

"It's in the garage." he said.

I didn't argue with him for long. I didn't have the energy. So, after another grunt of despair, I took an about face and headed back toward the car. Another half mile. Then proceeded to fight traffic all the way back home, to find the soccer stuff right where he claimed it to be - in the garage.

I paint this aggravating picture for one reason today. Not to vent, because I really did spend a lot of time praying it all through yesterday. I don't share it all to whine, although that would be tempting. I share it today, to illustrate a point.

Sometimes life is frustrating. We do our absolute best to get it right, and we still falter. Things beyond our control (like stupidity) spin us into an orbit of despair. But if we will let Him, Christ can be at the core, holding it all together.

As I fell into bed last night, I thanked God for helping me through the day. I was grateful for the composure I kept despite the turmoil inside. I rested in the fact that mistakes were allowed, and that it did not mean that I was a bad mom, just a human one.

Those wild geese can send even the most even tempered mom to her wit's end. But catching yourself a goose ladies, is worth the blood, sweat and tears.

The trick is to hold on to those feathers.