Golden Years

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; ~ Proverbs 16:31a

As I sat in the sterile examination room this morning, my heart raced. I felt faint. Visiting the doctor does not always generate such anxiety. But with an imagination like mine . . . every ticking second felt like an eternity.

I tried to keep myself occupied by settling into the novel I have been chewing on for a week or so. Deep into the storyline, it was easy to escape into the lives of Lydia, Carol, Jacqueline and Alix. Their lives were in turmoil, from cancer diagnosis, to infertility, to marriage problems. The pretend drama seemed easier to cope with than the imagined drama of my own.

I heard a knock. The doctor entered the room, extending his hand. All smiles, he chatted about the weather and then proceeded to ask me about my ailment.

A lump. The one underneath my right arm. This is what brought me all the way to Modesto so early in the morning. With my nerves on edge, I took a seat on the examination table, and told myself to relax. As the doctor examined me, I don't remember speaking, or thinking . . . or even breathing.

"Nothing to worry about. It is a glandular swelling . . . it happens. Our bodies change into our thirties, forties and fifties . . . "

"Are you trying to say that I am getting old?" was my reply.

We both chuckled, and I decided that getting old isn't so bad. Even if it means fatty deposits tucked underneath my armpit. Getting older sure beats the alternative.

As I drove away this morning, I felt grateful for the free bill of health. I smiled with thoughts of God's comfort even through the week of uncertainty. If the news hadn't have been so promising, I know that God would have carried me through.

I thought about the thousands of women just like me who visited the doctor this morning - but left with an uncertain diagnosis. Somebody, somewhere heard the words "You have breast cancer." And for those women, I ached.

While I haven't found a gray hair to date, the affects of ageing are beginning to take their toll. I welcome the idea of growing old and gray. Rocking on a porch, immersed in a juicy novel and living a drama of my own?

Now that's golden.

Lazy Bones

It wasn't that I didn't want to get up this morning . . . I just couldn't. Nestled into a cocoon of comfort, I chose to ignore my alarm clock for just a few extra minutes (okay a whole hour) of bliss. Was it worth it? No, but getting myself out of that billowy haven was close to impossible.

Starting the day without my quiet time made for a rough morning. No matter how much I tried praying (while I raced out the door) nothing would replace my moments alone with God - moments that were forfeited for instant gratification. Ugh.

Now it is the middle of the afternoon, and I struggle to come up with something to post about. Morning is the best time to seize inspirational thoughts . . . while the moon still smiles down on stretching muscles and sleepy eyes. But once I hit that shower, routine takes over, bringing the day's writing pursuit to an end.

My point today, is that when there is nothing going in (a true connection with God through prayer and His Word) . . . then I don't have much to offer out.

While I know that God has still been with me throughout quite a hairy day, I recognize my need to put Him first in all things -- especially at the first part of my day.

Inspiration, wisdom . . . ministry -- true ministry is born of the Spirit. One must listen and obey in order to be used of God. Listening requires stillness.

God's whispers are best heard when it is still quiet . . . by the light of the moon.

Chase

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts . . . ~ Colossians 3:15

Ever been sent on one of these? A wild goose chase? My whole day felt like one yesterday. I was trying to grab hold of God's peace, only to find it slipping through my fingers.

We've all had them. Days where nothing seems to go right, and a pounding headache to boot, which seems to mock every decision you make. You know the kind of day that you can't wait to find an end for?

It was late afternoon, and it was all I could do to process the events of the day. With kids and a dog underneath my feet, I stepped into the door, discovering that the usual afternoon demands clamored for my attention. Homework help here, laundry there, dinner preparation, tidying up -- with soccer practice in an hour there was no hope for putting my feet up. I thought about hiding, but they would find me for sure.

After tying cleats and grabbing a couple of bottled waters, I headed out into the garage to hunt for the soccer stuff. Cones, pennies and other paraphernalia were nowhere to be found. With only about an hour before practice, and my need to get to the store for some Advil, my head spun.

The soccer stuff must be with Mark, across town at Pedretti park. Ugh!

After gathering myself and my two little ones, we piled into the van, and proceeded to the park. Ten minutes later, I found myself casing Mark's truck, only to find it empty. A walk that seemed about a half mile long brought me to my husband's side.

"It's in the garage." he said.

I didn't argue with him for long. I didn't have the energy. So, after another grunt of despair, I took an about face and headed back toward the car. Another half mile. Then proceeded to fight traffic all the way back home, to find the soccer stuff right where he claimed it to be - in the garage.

I paint this aggravating picture for one reason today. Not to vent, because I really did spend a lot of time praying it all through yesterday. I don't share it all to whine, although that would be tempting. I share it today, to illustrate a point.

Sometimes life is frustrating. We do our absolute best to get it right, and we still falter. Things beyond our control (like stupidity) spin us into an orbit of despair. But if we will let Him, Christ can be at the core, holding it all together.

As I fell into bed last night, I thanked God for helping me through the day. I was grateful for the composure I kept despite the turmoil inside. I rested in the fact that mistakes were allowed, and that it did not mean that I was a bad mom, just a human one.

Those wild geese can send even the most even tempered mom to her wit's end. But catching yourself a goose ladies, is worth the blood, sweat and tears.

The trick is to hold on to those feathers.

Team Building

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the King. ~ 1 Peter 2:16-18

It was years ago that I began picking up these little nuggets. Bits of wisdom about the recruiting process. That God would use me to recruit anybody is still a mystery.

My neighbor Iona and I sat facing each other at her kitchen table. I had pen and paper in hand as I shot questions in her direction. I had asked her if I could practice on her, hoping to get better at this recruiting thing. I was a Mary Kay Beauty consultant all of those years ago, and after excelling in sales I wanted to take it a step further and begin building my team.

After I finished my formal interview, she said something to me that I will never forget.

"It doesn't seem like you are very excited about what you are doing."

Ouch. I remember feeling blindsided by her comment, although her honesty is just what this beauty consultant needed. As much as I had talked myself into the fact that making women feel beautiful was important to me -- the "sales" side of it was never a good fit for this heart.

Shortly after that eye-opening encounter, I decided to step away from selling Mary Kay altogether. I couldn't stand the idea of building relationships on the basis of sales. My conscience wouldn't allow it.  Being in sales is not a bad thing, many folks bring in extra income this way.  But for me, my heart could not find rest.  

Years later, as I have stepped into various leadership roles at the church, the issue of recruitment has become part of my job responsibilities once again. At first, I cringed at the thought. I had never been any good at it before, what made me think I would be any better under this new title?

But something amazing happened on the inside of this knee shaking soldier. One by one, God began building teams under my leadership. It started small, and before I knew it, God had used me to recruit a team of over twenty women. I have never for a moment felt the need to take the credit. God and I both know where the power came from.

Today I look at a dream team of women that God used me to gather for Women's Ministries. I do not say this to pat myself on the back - it really was His doing, but to share the miracle with any of you out there who might still be loathing the idea of recruiting.

I'd like to share some of the things I've learned through the years. They have brought me much success. These steps have sharpened me as a leader, and have trained me to fully depend on the Lord for team building.

1. Pray. Ask God who He wants to have join your team. Aside from helping you reach your vision, God wants to grow this individual in leaps and bounds. He wants to use you to help them take that next step.

2.Watch. Take note of individuals God brings across your path. Who has proven to be reliable? Trustworthy? Punctual and hard working?

3. Plan. Put the job description in writing so that the other person will know what is expected.

4. Approach. Time to put yourself out there. Set a date for lunch or coffee. Be honest in why you have approached this person. Give them time to think in over and pray, but set a deadline on when they should get back to you.

5. Listen. God will often times connect a need with a person ready to fill it. The trick is to be listening. This happens all the time. God can use you to bridge the gap!

Above all, believe in what you are selling -- with all your heart. If you have any hesitation about where you find yourself, do not make the mistake of inviting others to come along.

Happy recruiting, and remember . . . God will do the work through you. Step aside, and embrace the wonder of team building. Believe in yourself, and in every person He has you tap on the shoulder.

God already does.

Toast

Wisdom is supreme, therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. ~ Proverbs 4:7

I was asked to give a toast at my sister's wedding this summer. The idea thrilled me and scared me half out of my mind, all at the same time.

There I stood, in front of a crowd I only half knew (my sister's half), I spoke blessing and provision from the heart. Feeling unpolished and a little bit unprepared, I loved the whole experience, knowing that although I was a little bit rusty - this is what I was made for.

Stepping into a brand new world yesterday, and for the very first time, I took my seat at the Toasmaster's table. There were eight of us, all ready at a moment's notice to stand up and give a speech. I felt mesmerized, as the Toasmaster of the afternoon took the ball and ran, getting everybody to participate - even the guest, which happened to be yours truly. It was a solid hour of adrenaline, and I couldn't have had more fun.

Pursuing a writing a speaking ministry is what landed me in that chair yesterday afternoon. I've always held on to the dream of speaking in front of large crowds -- and to discover that there is a club that polishes those skills seemed out of this world! People very different from me, from all walks of life, sharing the same goal. To know what you want to say, and to deliver it with clarity and class. Wow.

Formality and structure carried our meeting, allowing much to be accomplished. As a guest, I was treated with kindness, but was expected to jump right in. Challenge being the catalyst to the group, I learned early on that this was no spectator sport. I was up for the challenge, and felt very comfortable jumping right in.

I truly believe that every person God has created, has been given a sweet spot. There is something each of us has been given to accomplish here on earth - something that we have been gifted in - something that we lose track of time doing.

What is that one thing for you? Maybe you enjoy gardening, taking care of children or typing in numbers. Do you lose track of time while drawing, chatting with a friend or cooking for your family?

For me, it is speaking and writing. I don't really know why God has put this burning desire in my heart to impart truth to others, but I am honored that He has. I can't be certain that I know what will come of this Toastmaster's membership. It may never go further than a group of eight . . . and that would be okay.

A room with a handful of people ready to listen, people to pour into, seeds to plant. I have so much still to learn, and I look forward to seeing what every member will teach me. What joy. Who would have thought that a group that makes such a big deal about a piece of toast would be just my kind of thing?

I encourage you today. If you have been able to pinpoint that sweet spot inside of you - pursuit it wholeheartedly! It may cost you everything, but selling out should never be an option.

I end today with a toast. To all of those dreamers out there - as you reach for the stars . . .

Make God your pursuit.

Mush

Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought . . . ~ Romans 12:3b

I was responsible for a recipe gone wrong. Everybody knew it. Especially the potato salad maker.

It was a lazy summer afternoon. Our family had been invited over to a special writer friend's house for a BBQ. Kids were encouraged to bring their swim gear, while parents signed up to bring a dish.

What could I bring? I thought. I want to really dazzle them with something that will minister to their tummies and bless their hearts. I know . . . my potato salad will be just the thing!

A five pound bag of potatoes later, I stood in my kitchen, mixing the final ingredients. Egg, mayonnaise, mustard, dill weed, pickles, a touch of salt . . . I carefully placed the glop into one of my finest bowls, and sprinkled the last bit of paprika on for color.

Later on, while the adults spent time chewing the fat, the kids were enjoying the pool. It was time for dinner. After drying the kids off, we formed a single line around the kitchen island. Everybody's contribution to the meal brought great anticipation. Hot dogs and chicken, garlic bread, pretzel salad. My potato salad stood smack dab in the middle. If there were a trophy for beauty, I would have taken first.

I got my plate, and chose a seat on the picnic bench. What happened next was devastating. Cutting into my meat . . . yummy. A bite of bread . . . delicious. Then, I brought my own masterpiece up to my mouth, and with a bite of regret I forced the swallow.

My potato salad was terrible. I knew it. Everybody else knew it too. My mind scrambled for an answer. Was it the fact that I tried to double the recipe? Were the potatoes bad? Not enough mustard?

Emotions flooded me, but I continued to force a smile. I hated to disappoint my new friends, and more than anything else to be known as such a terrible cook.

I chose not to say anything about the potato salad that day. I did not want anybody to feel the need to lie and tell me that it was good. Silly as it may sound, I felt like the potato salad reflected on me. Looking pretty good on the outside most of the time, these folks are soon going to see that underneath the garnish is a tasteless scoop of mush.

Every felt like a bland bowl of salad? Do you err on the side of performance like I do? Thinking that what you do or don't do dictates your worth?

My bout with potatoes that day taught me an important lesson about identity. My salad may have been a flop, but the disaster did not determine my worth. God allowed my recipe to take a dive, to point several unhealthy patterns of thinking out. People pleasing does not contribute to an solid sense of self worth. Ministering to others is one thing. Having to get it perfect can be quite another.

I encourage you today to chalk up your own failures to God's view of success. The Lord detests pride of any kind, even the potato salad kind. Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought. Let the love of the Lord, and not a bowl of starch dictate every thought you have about yourself.

And when your own potato salad trophy (pride) rears it's ugly head, force a smile and swallow, knowing that humiliation cann be one of the Lord's greatest gifts.

Knot

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7

Being pulled in a hundred different directions is bound to tie a person in knots. Ever been there? The demands of the day can become pretty heavy, especially when we try to carry the load all by ourselves.

It was a typical Monday morning. A stack of white cards decorated my desk, just waiting for my attention. Between phone calls and other interruptions, I began to type each plea, one at a time. Questions, suggestions, prayer requests all stacked a mile high. Each one representing one family, one individual - one heart.

As my fingers danced across the keyboard to articulate every person's petition, my brow began to furrow and my stomach got tight. Cancer diagnosis, families separating, job loss, broken relationships and broken hearts. With every request my heart got heavier and heavier, until it hit the bottom of an ocean of sadness - like a stone.

Hardened. This is one way I sometimes cope with exposure to such sadness. Wanting to turn my emotions off and become a robot, I choose not to let it in. I can't, it is just too much. But as stubborn as this girl can be, God still allows little chinks in my self-made armor to wear me down, all for the sake of accomplishing one purpose.

That of prayer.

On days like Monday, I need to cast EVERY care on Him. My arm may get sore after I've thrown number ninety-nine, but God's shoulders are broad enough to carry a world's worth of sadness and sin.

The strains of life can tie even the most even keeled person into a ball of mush. Life is hard. Sadness is a part of the journey, but we don't have to go it alone. There is something magnificent that God has given us to do in the face of our storm.

God can move a mountain full of mountains -- through you.

Let God untangle the mess life has thrown your way. He is able. God cares about the things that concern you

. . . more than you'll ever know.