Sandpaper Scratches

I have really missed posting - but something about where I find myself leaves little room for blogging these days. Trying to weigh out the most important things in life, piling the big rocks in first - often times leave the floor peppered with pebbles and sand. Posting on my blog has become one of the pebbles not making it into my priority jar.

I choose to embrace the season I am in, no matter how confusing and painful it may be. Sharing with my readers will come later - much later. But for now, I cherish my connection with God and others.

Some day soon, I will be able to pour myself into what I was made to do. But for now, I allow God to sand away the rough edges, polishing rough corners (with much elbow grease) so that my writing will best reflect His face.

Not concerned so much anymore with how people perceive me--just shooting for authenticity, messy as it may be.

Selling out is never worth it . . . big rocks should always come first.

Breaking Into Print

It is difficult for me to wrap my mind around it . . . but I've been published!

God opened the most amazing door through a couple of writer friends. It was an opportunity that only He could have orchestrated.

Adding value to the people and the places I write about . . . this is my vision, this is my prayer.

Come and celebrate with me! Here is the link http://www.myturlock.com/coverstory.html.

My Website is Up

Just a note to let all of my bloggy friends know that my website is up! I will continue to post on my blog with notes about my writing journey, so I hope you will keep visiting.

I will be posting devotions regularly on the website . . . I've got three listed so far. Today's devotion includes a story about my tearful lunch at Panera.

Go to http://www.joannereese.com/ . . . and take a peek!

Just Right

"A little to the left, now the right. No, up . . . then down. Tweak the color a little - now change it back."

This has been my inner dialogue while creating a masterful website. Wanting to get it perfect has me working far too long on a project that really needs to be checked off. Excellence is something wonderful to strive for, when perfection becomes my focus, I find myself tipping the scale of insanity.

My pursuit of perfection can get me so twisted up. I find it in hundreds of places throughout my day, from getting my hair to cooperate to getting my kids to cooperate. Getting the beds made perfectly, working to edit a writing piece to death, to even feeling a failure in my relationships -- the underlying motivation is something I don't like to admit. I strive to keep things looking perfect because it gives me the illusion of being in control.

These perfectionist tendencies will often transfer over to my relationship with God. I strive for the perfect looking "quite time" and feel a failure if it doesn't look just right. Working to keep my heart pure, and my mind full of His precepts magnifies the untidiness of my heart.

As I learn to let go of my need to control through the avenue of perfection, I find that being true to myself is going to be messy. Relationships are rarely tidy and controllable - especially a relationship with the Living God.

A picture perfect snapshot of the beach shows miles of untouched and perfectly smooth sand. Personally, I prefer a photo with swirls of footprints side by side - God's and mine.

"Yes, right down the center . . . good. Now that's just right."

Donut Crumbs

I find no time to write, no time to be alone to connect with YOU. Running on empty, filling myself with the indulgence of donuts and extra sleep.

I take a seat on the floor of my bedroom this afternoon, and find the two doves that so often usher peace into my heart. They are seated on the fence, and look as if they have been waiting for me to slow down and take notice. Companions for life, true to one another through any storm.

Time for my writing finds no home. Time with God finds no chair - only the empty one I pass about a hundred times a day. So patiently YOU wait for me to notice.

So I offer the space and the place that follows me from one chore to the next - my heart. YOU are always with me, but rarely enjoyed. My creative parts always seem to be spinning, searching for the right combination of vowels and verbs as I strive to snap a picture, to paint a portrait of YOU.

The doves are feeding now, as I should be. To open God's Word, to taste and truly see how sweet companionship can be.

Puddles

I always appreciate the closed doors as much as the open ones. So much of my heart has felt unrested with thoughts of cramming a book proposal into a couple of months. It seems logical - I am going to be at Mount Hermon in April, where editors and agents will be waiting to meet with aspiring writers just like myself.

But as logical as it may seem, and as hard as I've tried, I just cannot seem to force this. Unrest has plagued my heart, filling me with anxiety and irritability. This is no way to write - this is no way to live. God has called me to be free.

So as I break away from my self-made shackles, I see that simplicity is key. As I have quieted my heart before the Father, I discern that my expectations and His are quite different. God is not in a hurry. His timing is absolutely perfect, and tending to my husband, my children and my home takes center stage in this season of my life. This is where I find my peace.

Following your dream can be a difficult thing. Watching that door close on your heart squeezes every ounce of selfishness right out. What's left is a surrendered puddle on the floor, one that God can finally take in His hands to mold and shape as He desires.

Well, this soggy little puddle will be preparing three devotionals for April, which means I'd better get my tappin' little fingers warmed up again. Posting to my blog every day did have its advantages. Like stretching exercises or jumping jacks, it got my creative juices flowing - getting me ready for God's next assignment.

Today, I feel pretty out of shape. But with the proper training and the nutrition of God's Word, I'll be back on track in no time.

My dear blogging friend, God's closed doors can be the best manifestations of His love. Never underestimate the value of stillness.

God speaks loudest in the puddles.

Storyteller

A tiny seed slips into the deep recesses of my heart. Filled with promise and hope, it works silently, pushing against the the dirt that surrounds it. Watered one day with vision, hard work and momentum. Stepped on the next, strangled by worry and doubt.

I have been given a dream. A very low level of my consciousness knows it. Day and night it calls to me in whispers. Words I can't quite make out that make more sense than the things I can hear and see. Wanting so much to see the end result, to really know where this journey will lead.

But I am instructed to be still - to wait and simply be.

I return to the world of blogging for many reasons. Documenting my encounters with a God who has captured my heart - this seems like a good use of time. The practice posting affords, keeps ideas fresh and fingers flying. But more than anything I find a need to get what is inside, out. Like a dam about to burst, my heart longs to be seen.

In my last post, I spoke of taking steps toward the writing industry. The last couple of months have proven to be more than getting that next paragraph written. Embracing truth becomes necessary for anybody who aspires to become an artist.

Facing truth ensures death. Death of self.

If you are still with me, I hope you will stick around. I aspire to inspire, much like the griot in Freedom's Pen, by Wendy Lawton. Every gifted storyteller began with one idea - a seed. Every seed must succumb to terrible conditions and surrender to death before the transformation can begin.

What kind of seed has God handed you? This is your ministry to the world! God needs your voice, your ambition, your heart.

I am just finishing up a book that has stirred the dreamer inside. I would recommend it to anybody who loves to get lost in a good story. Sweet Janxa, with incredible talent, would not have been able to blossom without the Wheatley's.

You've heard the old saying, "Timing is everything." I'd like to throw in my two cents this morning. God's timing is everything. It can mean the difference between spinning your wheels and reaching the stars.

My dear readers, I hold a special place in my heart for you. I hope to deliver a story to you, through the posts in this blog that will challenge you to embrace truth.

A mighty oak waits to break past that dirt. Patience dear one . . . God's timing is well worth the wait.